How Deep Is Your Love?
Sure, it’s the title of songs by The Bee Gee’s and Calvin Harris, but I’m honestly asking you this question.
How deep is your (self) love? Do you think that self love is helpful or hurtful?
It depends who you ask.
According to world renowned psychologist and the developer of this approach, Carl Rogers, unconditional positive regard is fundamental to healthy human development. It is imperative for people to feel safe in order to encourage ourselves to push past our comfort zones and grow. This is a need that develops before birth, in the womb, and continues into infancy childhood and even carries into adulthood.
Further, the work of Dr. Kristin Neff and Dr. Christopher Germer in the realm of self-compassion further expands on the need for love, care and understanding from within.
Human beings are part of a collective group and belonging is akin to our very survival.
Is your inner critic loud?
Many people experience difficulty when first approaching the work of self-love and self compassion.
Perhaps you did not receive the understanding you needed as a young person.
Do you remember hearing the words “Suck it up,” “Get over it,” “You’re so weird,” or other similar mocking statements directed toward you?
Maybe you identify as “The Black Sheep”, never fitting in anywhere quite right.
If so, try to offer yourself understanding in this moment. Reach the olive branch of peace to yourself, in your mind and heart.
You are allowed to belong, if even just in your own life. Make space for your unique self to thrive and shine.
Just because it feels weird, doesn’t mean you don’t need it.
No matter who you are, you deserve understanding.
If it feels foreign to offer yourself unconditional positive regard, compassion, or love, then this is a clue into an area you actually need a heavy focus and intentional offering of these exact qualities in your life.
Think about caring for anything- a plant, a child, a pet, a significant other, a retirement account, preparing a meal. Does it do better with attention, or neglect? You are the exact same and deserve the same amount of care and attention.
My challenge to you
See if you can offer yourself a kind word once a day for 7 days. Use a journal to record how you feel before offering yourself kindness, and after. Then compare your writings from the beginning of the week to the end of the week. See what changes you can notice, whether they are subtle or obvious.
