Goal setting is the navigator toward significant achievements in life. As we organize our goals, the urge to accomplish them quickly and easily could be tempting. Impatience and restlessness become the inner nemesis that blinds us from discerning our present accomplishments. But think about where you were five years ago: would you be able to be where you are now without your “little” and “trivial” accumulated effort?
In the ninth episode of Returning Home, Elise delves into the concept of compound effect and how it manifests in life. She guides you through exercises that will help you look back, reflect, and start taking inspired action for your future self. Through this, you’ll be able to get in touch with yourself and why you’re enough. She reiterates the importance of being gentle with yourself and giving yourself credit.
If you want to learn how the compound effect works in your life, then this episode is for you!
Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode:
- Learn the concept of the compound effect.
- Discover why it’s critical to recognize and acknowledge that you’re enough.
- Connect with your past and future self.
Resources
- Listen to previous episodes of Returning Home:
- StairMaster®
- Slow Down To Speed Up: Visualization Masterclass
- Sign up for Elise’s Newsletter and receive a FREE PDF to start your self-compassion journey!
- Connect with Elise on Instagram: @elisekindya
Episode Highlights
[03:55] Compound Effect
- Small actions, if done consistently, create huge results.
- We often get caught up in wanting to make a big change and seeing results instantly.
- The compound effect revolves around consistency and intentionality.
- Our life is the destination we’re trying to seek. It’s the small everyday actions and attitudes that we hold.
Elise: “Your mind, the way that you think, the way you see the world, the glasses that you put on, and that’s how you see the world — your perspective — that is the journey and the destination.”
[05:50] On Transformation
- There is no transformation waiting for your future self. What you need is a transformation in your perspective of yourself.
- Understand that you are already enough.
Elise: “Taking small steps every day in the direction of your dreams is what is going to make the difference between success and prolonging your success.”
- You’re already a success because you’re living and breathing on this planet.
[07:34] The Result of the Compound Effect
- The compound effect is what got you to where you are today, regardless of your intention and thoughts.
- It’s not thinking about a future goal or a quantum leap you want to make; it’s about where you already are.
- Look back on the goals you’ve had over the last five years. You have the result of the compound effect right now working in your life.
[09:41] Giving Yourself Appreciation and Acknowledgment
- Acknowledge and come to peace with the fact that we will all die one day.
- Your present moment is the only moment that will be.
- Appreciate yourself for all you’ve accomplished and achieved, including getting through each day living.
Elise: “You’re gonna have good days, and you’re gonna have bad days. Life is 50% positive, and it’s 50% negative — plus or minus based on whether you’re a pessimist or an optimist, and it’s really not a judgment on that.”
- Both pain and pleasure are inevitable in this lifetime. They’re available depending on your level of trauma.
[11:43] Getting in Touch with Happiness
- Having chemical or hormonal imbalance conditions makes it difficult to feel happy and optimistic.
- There are evidence-based practices that can help you get in touch with your happiness.
- We have an individual power to make our lives what we want them to be.
[13:14] The Piece of the Puzzle
- We are part of a larger system.
- There are a lot of personal and societal issues that play a role in our mental health condition.
- We can’t separate ourselves from the puzzle of society. We are an individual piece that is part of the whole.
[15:01] The Process of Individuation
- We have an individual right to sovereignty, power to affect change, and the ability to look back and reflect.
- Looking back in the past allows you to take the next step towards your goal or start a new phase.
Elise: “We are on this journey of life, and each step that you take on the journey is part of you reaching your destination.”
- Deciding to be the type of person you want to be is reaching the end goal you want to be at.
- The present moment is a gift. Your values and aspirations get to be part of this gift.
- There is a reason why and how you’ve reached the place you’re at. There were steps, processes, and events behind it.
[18:02] See Your Future Self: Being in Your Old Age Exercise
- Picture your future self at 90 years old: what goals would you have wanted to achieve?
- What would you like your future self to be savoring at that time? What kind of memories and experiences would you like to have built up?
- Listen to the episode if you want to learn more about the reflections you need to incorporate for the exercise.
[19:48] Start Today
- Starting today, you can live the version of yourself that you’d desire in the next decades.
- Identify the steps you can take to get started on both far-off and short-term goals.
- “Goals” can refer to the quality of life you want or the type of person you want to be.
- Think about how you can continue recognizing that the compound effect that has worked in your life will continue to work.
- You can live the life you want to have; you are already doing it every day.
[21:19] You’re Doing Enough
- You already incorporate your values into your day-to-day life.
- You can invite more in from a place of excitement and abundance.
- You cannot give from an empty cup and expect to feel joy about it.
- Recognize that what you already have is enough. Find a way to believe it if you don’t.
- Don’t settle; your life will become enough as you intentionally build it to be that way.
[23:38] Returning Home to Yourself
- Would the version of yourself five years ago be happy with where you are today? Tune in to the full episode to hear Elise’s answer!
- Blurring out what happened in between the result can help you get in touch with your past self.
- Don’t be afraid of the inner work. It transforms in a way that’s beautiful, authentic, purposeful, and intentional.
- Returning home to yourself is a transformation you need to make.
[27:00] Key Takeaways
- Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the credit you deserve. Commit to living in accordance with your values.
- Accumulate inspired action. Then, it will lead to the compound effect.
- Know where you’re going even if you don’t have the entire map.
- You can make quantum leaps by recognizing and claiming your desires, searching and recognizing opportunities, taking action, and celebrating.
- See the little moments in your life as an opportunity to celebrate your power to design your life.
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Transcript
Elise Kindya: What I want you to get from this today is being more gentle with yourself. Giving yourself the credit you deserve, and commit to living in accordance with your values. Once you have your sights set on something, on a goal perhaps, or a way that you aspire to be, then you can take inspired action.
Welcome to Returning Home The Podcast. My name is Elise Kindya, and I am a trauma informed and intuitive therapist. This podcast is a space that I have created for you to discover a deeper understanding and love for yourself, which leads to expanding what you think is possible in your own life. My goal is for you to feel excited to live your life as your full, authentic self.
By listening to these episodes, you will learn things, like how your brain works, my favorite resources for healing stories from my own life, practices that you can press play on to add to your healing toolkit, and so much more.
I invite you to return home to yourself in big and small ways to live the life you desire on your terms. You can live connected, empowered and aligned. When you return home to yourself, anything is possible. I can’t wait to share all of my insights with you. Now let’s begin.
Hello, and welcome back to Returning Home The Podcast. My name is Elise Kindya. I’m a licensed clinical social worker and I am the host of this podcast. And I’m going to start out this episode today by doing something a little bit different.
I’m going to read one of the reviews that I’ve gotten on my podcast. This is from the Apple podcast app. That is where these reviews are the most visible to me. I would love so much to read more of these. If you are listening to the podcast and you’ve enjoyed it, I urge you to leave a review, and I will try to get to all of them on the podcast, you know, just like one by one. It is really fun to see these come in.
This was the first review I ever got, and it’s from somebody named Thrill Holla. I don’t know who this is. If this is you, please reach out. I would love to connect, just to say thank you because this is awesome. It was left like the first day that my podcast was out. So that was really cool.
So the review says — well, it’s a five-star review, first of all. Thank you. And it says, “Looking forward to hearing more from Elise on this medium on healing from childhood trauma and breaking harmful cycles. The explanation on brain development in the first episode was really neat to learn and easy to digest, instead of feeling too “heavy” (I crack me up). I’m looking forward to more episodes and learning more to help with my own healing.” Thank you so much Thriller Holla for this review.
Elise: Yes. I hope that in the time that has passed since you left that review, you have learned so much more about trauma and ways to heal from trauma. Today is going to be something like that. Interesting segue. But again, if you would like a review, read on my podcast, please go ahead and leave one on the Apple podcast app. Yeah, I’m sure there are other ways to do it too. You could maybe do it on Spotify; I don’t really know how to do that. But if you screenshoot it and email it to me, I would be happy to read it as well. Definitely, make sure to do that if you are interested.
Something kind of, again, like more personal interest to me, but I also find a lot of value in talking about this in the therapy room, is the compound effect. So that is what I’m going to delve into today. It’s something that I think about a lot, like even when I’m just at the gym, and I’m like, doing that last rep of bicep curls, or like I’m doing that last three minutes on the stairmaster or something. And I’m like, “FML.” I’m like, “No, this is for a reason. The more consistently I do this, the better my life is going to be.”
I want to talk about this more in depth here today. Just to preface this by saying I believe in the compound effect. I believe that small actions done consistently make for huge results. I think that a lot of times though, we get really caught up in the wanting to make a quantum leap — we want to make a big change and we want to see those results instantly. What I want to talk about what the compound effect is that it is the way to get big quantum leap results.
But you have to be consistent, and you have to be really clear with what you are trying to achieve. I really believe that our life is the destination that we’re trying to seek. The journey is the destination — you will hear me say that all the time. I’m probably gonna say it a bunch of times in this episode. I say it on social media a lot.
I really believe that the destination we’re seeking is in the small everyday actions and attitudes that we hold. Your mind, the way that you think, the way you see the world, the glasses that you put on — that’s how you see the world, your perspective. That is the journey and the destination.
I talk about this a lot, too. There isn’t some big transformation that’s waiting for you. You don’t need to transform your whole life. I feel like I see this so much on — coaches talk about this, and even some therapists, “Transform! Make a big change.” I’m like, “No! What you need is a transformation in your perspective of yourself.” I mean, if you have a bad attitude, if your perspective sucks, then yeah. I mean, maybe you need to change that. Maybe that would be a good transformation to make. But who you are fundamentally as a human being, doesn’t need a huge transformation.
What you need to understand and what needs to transform is your understanding of: “You are already enough.” I believe that taking small steps every day in the direction of your dreams is what is going to make the difference between success and prolonging your success.
Like even if you don’t take any steps towards your success, you’re already a success. Because you’re living and breathing on this planet. I’m going to get a little bit into depression in a little while, which I think gets very lost in this messaging, and especially from like, coaches who are not really — a lot of people are in trauma informed, right? There’s a big gap, I think, in this like coaching / mental health space that I’m hoping to kind of fill in. I’m definitely that trauma-informed-mental-health-is-real type of person.
Yeah, we’re going to definitely talk about that. But what I want you to do right now is — okay, so I’m recording this podcast episode on Thursday, January 20, 2022. What I want you to do is understand that the compound effect is what got you to where you are today, regardless of your intention, and regardless of your thoughts about that. All of the days leading up to today, got you here, right?
This isn’t even thinking about a future goal that you want to achieve, a future result that you want, a quantum leap you want to make. It’s about where you already are. If you were to stand here today — when you’re listening to this episode, it might already be February of 2022. But regardless, I mean, we’re still in the beginning of the year, right? But if you look back on the last five years, maybe, and any goals that you had over those last five years, and where you are today, I’m sure that you can say that you’ve achieved some goals, right? You’ve already probably moved on past through some of those goals that you wanted to achieve.
You’ve probably taken a lot of action towards them, and you’re already gone — they’re already gone out of your mind. You’re already maintained. Maybe you’re maintaining them at this point; maybe you’ve stopped working towards those goals all together; maybe you’ve picked up some new goals to work on. But you have the result right now of the compound effect already working in your life. I just want you to sit with that for a minute, and let that sink in. Let the kind of gravity of that be here with you now.
It’s not good or bad. It’s not like we’re judging the results that you have. It’s just to say that it is already working, right? Like I said, the journey is the destination — our life is the destination. You’re gonna keep wanting things, and you’re going to keep trying to achieve things probably until you die and all of us are going to die one day.
That’s one thing that I really think that we need to appreciate. We really need to acknowledge — we really need to come to peace with that fact in life. This is the only January 20, 2021, or whatever date you’re listening to this. This is the only date that will be of this day and time. Sure, maybe time is an illusion. But I mean, we operate in this kind of — in the calendar, right? This is the only time that there is.
Taking the bull by the horns, so to say. But really getting a sense of appreciating yourself for all that you’ve already done. You’ve already accomplished so much. You’ve already achieved so much. Aside from achieving, just appreciating yourself for getting through the day, living. We are in a pandemic, right? We are living through COVID.
There’s a lot going on. Something I like to tell my clients a lot is, “You’re gonna have good days, and you’re gonna have bad days. Life is 50% positive, and it’s 50% negative — plus or minus based on whether you’re a pessimist or an optimist.” It’s really not a judgment on that, right? You’re not going to avoid pain in this lifetime. Pain is inevitable. Hopefully, you can’t avoid pleasure in this lifetime either, right? It’s all here; it’s all available, depending on your level of trauma — being open to those opportunities, seeing them in front of you, seeing what’s available to you. This is maybe where I want to get into talking a little bit about depression.
Because of course, if you’re suffering from a mental illness, like depression — maybe that’s not the right way to put it. If you have a condition such as, a chemical imbalance or a hormonal imbalance that is making it difficult for you to see the color in life and to feel happy and to feel optimistic, then that is something to address. There are evidence based practices out there that you can do to help you get more in touch with your happiness and with your pleasure.
Just like a little personal share: I am right now kind of coming to grips with… Oh, I’ve been in kind of a depressive state. This winter has been pretty rough. Like, I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that I have been depressed for a few months now, and I’m taking action right now, based on this realization — some things that I need to do. But I’m just sharing that to say, there is — sometimes we do fall into these states, and we do have these feelings, and we still can kind of move through that.
Cause I believe in empowerment. I believe in our individual power to make our lives what we want it to be. That’s kind of the whole point of this podcast episode, right? Yes, we are part of a bigger system.
So we are — there are individual things about me that kind of make me more prone to depression, like my biochemistry, my hormones, my diet, my exercise, the generational trauma that was passed down to me by my parents, and my grandparents being immigrants, living in poverty — Things like that get passed down behaviorally, also biologically.
That’s kind of separate from me, right? That’s not my individual doing. I’m telling you all of this because I want you to hear your story in this as well, right? It’s not all you if you have some type of like a mental — I really hate to use the word, disorder. But do you know what I’m saying?
Because we’re also living in the 2020s. We live in a world with COVID, in a pandemic, under late stage capitalism, with our government that is not supporting us. We live with racism; we live with sexism, misogyny. We have all kinds of issues going on in our society right now. Poverty — there’s such big political splits, huge divides between people.
Yes, you can make individual strides towards these things, and we are all interconnected. We can’t really separate ourselves out from this whole puzzle. Yes, we are one individual piece of it, and we are part of a whole.
That’s just kind of like my perspective on — it’s like my life philosophy. I mean, it’s like my approach to everything, so it’s gonna get kind of tied in here. But what I want to say is, given all of that, I believe in the process of individuation. I’m a therapist. I believe in that. I believe in your individual right to sovereignty. I believe in the ability and the power that you have in your life to affect change.
I believe in your ability to see all of what you’ve already accomplished, how that has accumulated to where you are today, and to look at those results. If you look back, and you can say, “Wow, I’m so proud of myself.” Like how I had asked you at the beginning of this podcast episode, to maybe look back over the last five years and say, “Okay, yeah, those are some goals that I had set out for myself. And yeah, I’ve already achieved them. And yeah, I’ve already blown past them.” Or, “Okay, well, I look back, and I really wish I had done some things differently.” Or, you know, “I recognize that I didn’t have a certain resource. And maybe that’s why that didn’t pan out.” You know, all of that is okay.
Here you are today. It’s an opportunity for you that maybe you’ve had a realization, right? You can now take this opportunity to take the next step towards your goal, to see yourself starting that next phase or that next leg of your journey, because we are on this journey of life. Each step that you take on the journey is part of you reaching your destination — you making a decision to be the type of person you want to be is you reaching the end goal that you want to be at, right?
You know how they say that, right? Like the present moment, it’s a gift. They call it the present — it’s a gift. It’s happening right now. You’re invited to be in this moment. What does feel good and important for you right now? What are you celebrating that you’ve already done? Where do you want to take it? What do you want to move forward with? You know, taking some stock of your values — what are your values in life? What type of person are you? What type of person do you aspire to be? All of that gets to be here in this present moment.
Taking into account the compound effect and how you got to the place that you’re at. There is a reason, It’s not just willy nilly. Things just happen, right? I mean, they do, but there were steps and there was a process, and there were events that happened in your life. And maybe some circumstances that happened in your life that made things kind of go was the way that they went.
All of that — coming to terms with all of that is what this moment here is offering to you. Another exercise I’d like for you to think about is thinking about being in your old age.
Maybe you can picture yourself at 90 years old. If you’re sitting in your home, next to a cozy fire in a rocking chair with a blanket, reflecting on your life. What would you hope that you would have accomplished? What kind of life? What kind of quality of life do you wish that you would have had? What goals would you have wanted to achieve? Maybe they’re really short-term goals, and maybe others would take decades to achieve. Other goals in your life might not totally depend on your effort, but they still affect you and your quality of life.
But thinking about this older version of yourself, what would you like to be savoring at that time? Think about that. What kind of memories would you like to have built up? What kind of experiences would you like to have had? What kind of community do you want to build? What kind of relationship with yourself? What kind of relationship with a spouse or a partner? Do you want children?
What about work? Do you want to build a business? Or do you want to stay at home and raise your kids? Do you want to move to a commune? Do you want to travel the world? Do you want to dive deep into spirituality? What is it that makes you come alive? What makes you excited? What turns you on? What makes you happy? What is the reason you’re here, right?
Getting really clear about that. And knowing that when you jump it back to today. So, if you’re picturing your ninety year-old self — maybe that’s in 40 years; maybe that’s in 60 years; maybe that’s in 70 years. All of those memories and all of that life experience that you would like to have had in that amount of time from now, you can start today to live that version of yourself.
What is one step you can take to get started on those far-off goals? What are some of the shorter term goals that you can achieve now — and I don’t even mean to say goals; I mean to say like quality of life. I mean to say, the type of person that you want to be, the type of person that you are, taking in what you’ve already accomplished.
What we talked about at the beginning of this episode — all of the ways that the compound effect already has worked in your life, how can you continue to recognize that they work, and they will continue to work as you live your life?
This is the destination. Me saying this to you is to help you understand or let it seem possible for you that you can live the type of life you want, and to recognize how you are already doing it a lot of the time. To respect yourself and respect your capabilities.
You know, think about just how you live your day to day life. What’s your daily routine? How do you live on a moment by moment basis? How do your days pan out? How are you already living in a way that highlights your values? That is the type of life you want to be living.
Like how do you already incorporate these things into your day-to-day life? Let yourself be proud of how you’re already doing that — that’s already enough. Let that be enough. I’m taking a pause and take a deep breath here with you because I want you to let that sink in. Like it’s already enough. The thing about living the life that we live now — when you want more, you can invite more in from a place of excitement and abundance, not in a way of beating yourself up; not in a way where what you already have isn’t enough.
Inviting more in just to invite more in like, “I have a lot of good stuff. Look at all this good stuff. Oh my gosh, and I’m going to go out and I’m going to share it.” Here I am on this podcast talking about it because I have filled myself up enough to be able to talk about it. I’m going to talk about this on a later podcast episode about, you know, quitting, about resentment and about giving from that place of overflow.
We cannot give from an empty cup. We can’t dredge up — scrape the bottom of the barrel of our well and expect to give and to and to feel joy about that. No, you have to fill up so that you are overflowing and you have enough to give.
Recognizing that what you already have is so enough, and if you don’t believe that, then find a way to believe it. I don’t mean just by settling; I mean by building your life in such a way that it does become enough. Your life will become enough as you intentionally build it to be that way. Thinking back towards that version of yourself from five years ago, like we talked about before, would that version of you be happy with where you are today? Like if they could just kind of look through some kind of magic binoculars or something, and they could catch a glimpse of where they would be where you would be today.
I think about myself, and I have to do this with myself because if I could have — me five years ago, what would that have been? What was five years ago? I’m good at math — 2017. Me at this time in 2017, I was working in a school working towards my LCSW. If I could have seen that I would have my own therapy practice and I’d be working from home, I think I’d be doing freaking cartwheels, and I can’t do cartwheels.
I think I would be on top of the world. I think I would be ecstatic. If I had to see all the trials and tribulations that I went through to get there, maybe that would have been scary. But that is the journey, right? That’s like the hero’s journey. You don’t necessarily see all of those scary steps in between. Maybe if you saw them, you wouldn’t want to take them. But that’s not how it goes, right? But yes if I, five years ago, could see where I am right now in 2022, I would be like, “Oh my God, yes! Okay.” So me just showing up, going to my supervision appointments, taking my LCSW — spending all summer studying for the exam to get my LCSW. Taking the test and then all the things that have happened since then.
I feel like, “Okay, yeah, I guess I’m gonna do it.” But yeah, I would be so excited to see, to kind of blur out all of what happened in between and just see the result. Yeah, I’d be really excited.
That might be a practice for you to get in touch with that version of yourself, maybe five years ago, if they could see where you’re at today, and just be like, “Okay, yeah, cool. That’s great.” Or, maybe they’d be disappointed, and that’s your work for you to do, and it’s all okay. Don’t be scared of that. Do not be afraid of that inner work. That inner work is — that’s the transformation that we’re talking about, okay?
We’re not talking about changing who you are, changing her name, changing where you’re from — all of these things where it’s inner work does transform, but in a way that’s really beautiful and really authentic and really purposeful and intentional. It’s not like, “Boop, snap, fingers, done!” It’s, “Okay, I’m actually transforming into who I’m truly meant to be — who am I underneath all this trauma.” I talked about this in the previous podcast episode about healing the inner child. It’s kind of like that.
These are the transformations we need to make is — returning home to ourselves. Hello, the name of my podcast is Returning Home, right? This is what I want you to do. This is all that matters.
What I want you to get from this today is being more gentle with yourself. Giving yourself the credit you deserve, and commit to living in accordance with your values. Once you have your sights set on something — on a goal perhaps, or a way that you aspire to be, then you can take inspired action.
Once you take that step, then you are accumulating action, and that leads to the compound effect, right? That’s what we’re here to do. That’s what I’m here to tell you. All you need to do is just know where you’re going, give yourself a little bit of a map. You don’t need to have the full map, but just have a sense of like, “Who am I? What are my values?” How would somebody with these values act and then go and do it.
That’s how you make quantum leaps. Recognizing your desires, claiming them, looking for opportunities for them to show up, recognizing when those opportunities come up and take the action, and then celebrating. You already do this many times a day. You choose what you’re going to eat, you pick out your outfit, you call someone, text someone on the phone, you do your job. It’s all about these little choices that you’ve made.
Starting to see these little moments in your life as an opportunity to celebrate your power to design your life is that kind of special place that I want you to get to after listening to today’s episode.
That is pretty much what I have for you on this topic today. I hope that it was helpful. I hope it was insightful. It has been — the compound effect has been something for me that has really helped me in a lot of areas. Like I said, I was at the gym and I’m like, “Okay, these last three reps of this dumbbell exercise or 10 more seconds of these Russian twists or three more minutes on the Stairmaster.”
There is the saying in fitness where you work out to failure, where you do it ‘til you can’t do it anymore. And it’s in those last reps that the transformation quote unquote, so to say is “happening,” like that’s where your results are going to come from. So you know, not quitting before the miracle, letting your life be enough, letting the results you’ve already gotten be enough, and recognizing where you’ve been, what you’ve already done celebrating yourself for that — that is huge. You have to give yourself credit.
Know that as you do that, that’s the destination that you’re trying to reach. That’s your life. That’s the quality of your life. I hope that this is making sense. I hope that you enjoyed it. If you did, I would so much appreciate if you could rate and review my podcasts on Apple Podcasts. That’s just the easiest way for me to see who’s listening and what’s up.
Again, I’m always in my social media story, polling you all to see what you want to hear about next on the podcast. I’ll be putting a poll in my Instagram story soon. Definitely make sure that you’re checking that out. Well, I know I’m saying this out of time, you could be looking or listening to this at any time. Go follow me on Instagram at Elise Kindya.
Make sure you check my story out because that’s where I go to ask what you all want to hear about on my podcast. I just love keeping the conversation going. Please also share this podcast with someone that you think might need to hear it. If they need this message today. That’s how I can keep the good stuff coming to you — by you interacting, letting me know that this is giving you life, this is helping you out, this is something you want to hear.
I really appreciate hearing from you when the inspiration strikes you. Please get out there, go use the compound effect, go see how it’s working in your life. I swear it’s already working.
You don’t need to transform; you just need to return home to yourself and let your life be enough. From that place, from giving from the overflow is how you can find more joy and happiness. Thank you so much for being here with me today. I so appreciate it. I look forward to connecting with you next time.
