On episode 24 of Returning Home, I interviewed Erin Stanley, a fellow therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker. We talk about Erin’s journey to becoming licensed and self-employed, the influence of social media and the information age on mental health, and how to cultivate self-care amid all the noise. Erin’s work with millenials and elder Gen Z’ers is inspired by her own experiences in this generation, and her identity intersects in other ways, such as race and gender, which makes her very relateable to clients. Erin describes having a shorthand with clients where certain things don’t need to be explained, which makes it easier for clients to get to the important work they came to therapy to do. When she isn’t practicing therapy, Erin can be found baking cookies, playing with her dog or reading a good book.

Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode:

1. Learn from Erin about how to cultivate hope, joy and mindful pleasure on a daily basis.

2. Hear why Erin loves working with Millenials and elder Gen Z’ers in her private, virtual therapy practice.

3. Develop ways to listen to your own body and live your life according to the messages you receive, as Erin explains some effective ways to do so.

Resources

• Listen to previous episodes of Returning Home:

  • Episode 15| Be The Change: Positivity As A Practice

• Sign up for Elise’s Newsletter and receive a FREE PDF to start your self-compassion journey!

• Connect with Elise on Instagram: @elisekindya

• Visit Erin’s website and learn how to work with her here: Honey Bee Therapy

• See Erin’s other links here: Linktree

• Connect with Erin on Instagram: @honeybeetherapy_

• Attend Elise’s next in-person event: GOLDEN HOUR by clicking here.

Transcript

This editable transcript was computer generated and might contain errors. People can also change the text after it was created.

Elise Kindya: Welcome back to returning home the podcast. My name is ise. Kindya and I am your host and I am here with another license clinical social worker and I’m so excited for our conversation here with Erin Stanley. And yeah, Erin, do you want to just tell the listeners who you are what you’re about and just a little brief intro to you

Erin Stanley: Yes, absolutely. Thank you for having me, Elise. This is my first podcast interview and I’ve been a podcast girly since 2014- 10 years now. So I as far as listening to them.

Elise Kindya: Wow.

Erin Stanley: So I’m really happy to be on one. Thank you.

Elise Kindya: That’s so cool.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, so I am a licensed clinical social worker in private practice. I have my own Psychotherapy Private Practice called honey. Bee therapy. I am based out of Richmond, Virginia, but I’m also licensed in DC and recently became licensed in Maryland so I can see clients  in all three states. My practice is 100% virtual. And I specialize in helping Millennials and Elder Gen Z’ers navigate complex and sometimes complicated relationships in their lives. So I work predominantly with kind of anxious attachment style. I achieving folks in my goals just to help them take a really good look at the relationships that they’re a part of. Whether that’s familial romantic friendships and to help them identify Behavior patterns that they want to change in order to create healthier ways of functioning and living.

Elise Kindya: Wow, the big undertaking. You’re like, no big deal. I just do this thing, but it’s huge it’s big work. So that’s awesome.

Erin Stanley: Thank you. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: How did you kind of hone in on? Elder Millennials and gen Z as the population that you have to work with.

Erin Stanley: It’s a good question. Why myself am a millenial…

Elise Kindya: Mm-hmm

Erin Stanley: Through kind of my own development. I know what kind of Best for me and what has worked best? I’m thinking about friends not even sincerely in a therapeutic space, but just How do we take in information right and whether it’s through podcasts or through books or YouTube or Instagram tiktok? Right all of these different ways that we are receiving information. That being said it’s wonderful. This information be it’s also really overwhelming and…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: something that has been really important to me in my practice in working with the population that I work with to kind of work through all of the extra

Erin Stanley: 

Erin Stanley: Whether it’s like misinformation or things that were hearing and all right, it’s not necessarily like driving with me. I’m not really feeling How can I take in some of this great information that I’m receiving online and then work with it to actually make it applicable to my life. And so that kind of is my goal in working with books of our generation and…

Elise Kindya: mmm

Erin Stanley: the generation right behind us. Yes. We are receiving so much sometimes good quality stuff. But how do we kind of like, what’s the expression?

Elise Kindya: Wade through or Take the meat and…

Erin Stanley: But yeah, yeah Wade through.

Elise Kindya: leave the bones kind of thing.

Erin Stanley: All of that. Yeah, and so we have so much at our fingertips and that’s been wonderful and still it can be overwhelming and overloading.

Elise Kindya: Yeah, is that a big part of what your clients bring into sessions like something they saw on tiktok or Instagram or something like that I mean I know in my own work. borderline is thrown around nothing and I’m like, there’s a lot of criteria. So Are there certain things like certain tiktokers that your clients any tiktokers that you gravitate towards in the mental health space.

00:05:00

Erin Stanley: 

Erin Stanley: Not by name that the clients are saying in session. I think just in general will bring up social media a lot in conversation.

Elise Kindya: sure.

Erin Stanley: Whether it’s like making the comparison’s or I am taking in so much with everything that’s going on in the world. How do I kind of take a break? So those are more of the conversations that we’re having personally. I don’t necessarily gravitate toward any people in particular for you page on tiktok is very much all over the place and I tend to not watch a lot of therapy talk stuff. I’m on there for cooking videos and book talk and Fashion talk and that right.

Elise Kindya: perfume Tok

Erin Stanley: PerfumeTok one of my favorites. Absolutely. Yes.

Elise Kindya: Bruh, I’ve learned so much from that. yeah.

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: So cool not even social media. So of course for our clients and us too we’re also people Behind These degrees and everything on the other side of the couch or whatever so not just social media for the mental health information but social media as a whole and how So last it’s so funny that you’re sick like we’re talking about this because I had to delete tiktok off my phone. It’s very much. I can just roll with that for hours. it’ll be two hours and I’ll be like It was daytime and now it’s night time what the heck is going on last night.

Erin Stanley: right right

Elise Kindya: I was watching a show. And my husband wasn’t into the show. So he was watching his tiktok next to me and as I’m watching an episode of a show. I’m watching a couple storylines kind of happening in front of me and…

Erin Stanley: Yeah. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: he’s seen a hundred videos with a hundred different people and…

Erin Stanley: Okay. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: I was just thinking about how that was. So I’m like wow, your brain is just all over the place right now.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, and I have to check in with myself often when that and I get the notifications of you’ve been on for 10 minutes Whatever keep going right…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: but then after some time it’s all right. I’ve noticed myself saying that in the past couple of weeks like I am tired other people’s voices so many different voices wait.

Elise Kindya: mmm

Erin Stanley: I even listen to my own voice today have I checked in with myself when the last time I did that? All right,…

Elise Kindya: I love that.

Erin Stanley: that means I need to go get some water. Let me put this on down for it.

Elise Kindya: I love that so much. It’s such a great way to think about it. Yeah, so you’re finding that your clients there feeling pretty highly anxious and there’s this sense of I was talking with a client about this yesterday where if you live in a polluted place your lungs might start to get congested or you’re breathing in that air. If you move to a place with fresh air. It’s not all going to heal overnight. But after some time you’re probably going to clear up that congestion and feel better. So sure you’re sick.

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: You’re having these symptoms. So your clients, they’re having these symptoms of feeling anxious. But is it like the world that we’re living in because we’re scrolling on tiktok, and we’re on social media and All this information is so readily available to us. If they did just put the phone down go get a drink of water sit in meditate kind of clear that air a little bit. Will they feel less anxious? do you find that with your clients when you’re working with them on these types of things?

Erin Stanley: And I think in the immediate, yes, that’s kind of a quick and dirty easy fix how do we very quickly engage in mindfulness as a practice? And yes, it should be utilized often. But is that going to be the key? No, right?

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: as social workers, we understand the impact of what Societal ramifications, are right. It’s like this would not be an issue if it were not for the bigger issues that play like what are we actually trying to avoid thinking about by getting tiktok by getting on Instagram? they’re a bigger, kind of like factors at play that kind of encourage that dissociation that I think are often times trying to experience. So sure.

Erin Stanley: Going to get a drink of water and engaging in a meditation practice helpful 100% and should be something that we’re utilizing often and I’m including myself in that. And there are also bigger systemic issues that ought to be tackled in faced and not necessarily by us. right Sometimes absolutely…

Elise Kindya: You sure.

Erin Stanley: but there are also people who we elect and who are in power who? Should be doing their jobs a little bit differently. Yeah.

00:10:00

Elise Kindya: I mean, come Something else I thought on ikk. Yeah about that right Democratic party is no longer a thing because all politicians are owned by corporations and they’re going to push the Republican agenda.

Erin Stanley: he

Elise Kindya: So f*** all of us. it does and when we get into it like that it can get really really depressing. So then What are we doing as therapists to support our clients in the middle of? Racism capitalism, War genocide all of that kind of stuff.

Elise Kindya: How do we show up for our clients and help them navigate that?

Erin Stanley: Yeah, right, right. It is a lot of holding space for clients and…

Elise Kindya: Mm-hmm

Erin Stanley: it is also reminding clients that there’s always hope available and how do we find ways throughout our day to access that hope and to access joy and pleasure for ourselves, at a mindfulness exercise in true pleasure look like And we are looking so today the day of our filming is a couple of recording.

Elise Kindya: Mmm Yeah

Elise Kindya: 

Erin Stanley: It’s a couple of days after Valentine’s Day.

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: Is really loaded for a lot of folks, Because it kind of goes back to the idea of comparing and How do I post my partner? Am I comfortable doing that versus for someone else was unpartnered and may have feelings of loneliness isolation at this time. Look like the p*** to yourself no matter,…

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: your relationship status to think about all the different ways that love is manifesting in your life through self love love of a pet. Love a hobby of some plants love of friends appreciation for other people care for other people. Right, all of the different ways that we can express receive Give Love appreciation care.

Elise Kindya: Yeah. I love that.

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: So, It sounds like you have A mindfulness practice around pleasure. I think so that sounds so juicy and fun. How do you be mindful of pleasure in your own life?

Erin Stanley: He literally just paying attention to moments where I am. Feeling good and sitting in that for a minute. So I fractured my ankle a couple of months ago. Very slow recovery…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: since then, but it’s really despite, that discomfort and the pain right? it’s been really necessary for me to slow down to sit down to listen to my body. my body is not the same body that it was 10 ago, 20 years,…

Elise Kindya: Yeah, you yeah.

Erin Stanley: definitely and There’s something happens in our 30s where? Yes, it shifts, but we’re not quite ready for the shift.

Erin Stanley: It’s like he…

Elise Kindya: 100%

Erin Stanley: Where did this uncomfortable feeling come from whether it’s an ankle and knee a lower back a shoulder. wrist right like We can keep going right the different pains and…

Elise Kindya: yeah.

Erin Stanley: ailments that people may experience. But in that I’ve had to literally adjust my body. Often even right now. I’m sitting with my legs up and I’m about to Adjust so now that my left foot is on top of my right instead of the other way around right and just by doing that. Okay. I’m a little bit more comfortable. So it’s those tiny moments throughout the day of once again checking in with self checking in with body.

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: How am I physically feeling and…that very simple way to actively practice mindful pleasure

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: as my only how can I make it feel one percent better? right

Elise Kindya: I love that. That’s exact though. I mean wait, maybe we have ESP or something because I talk about that with my clients all the time where it’s just these little bite-sized things throughout the day. It doesn’t have to be like you wake up tomorrow in your life as a 180 completely different.

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: Yes.

Elise Kindya: It’s just these really little moments throughout the day that today.

Elise Kindya: I was in the car driving here and I was like, what I’m gonna throw on some lipstick.

Erin Stanley: Yep,…

Elise Kindya: Love that for…

Erin Stanley: love that free.

Elise Kindya: Just little things that is one percent better. That is 5% better and…

00:15:00

Erin Stanley: right Yep.

Elise Kindya: that all adds up throughout the day like eating your favorite thing for lunch. I’m lucky that I’m so boring.

Erin Stanley: Yes.

Elise Kindya: I eat chicken soup every single day for the last year and I’m eating it orgasmically m I love chicken soup so much. it’s my favorite thing. So yeah, getting on tiktok sometimes and it hacks our little dopamine centers, but …

Erin Stanley: Okay.

Elise Kindya: what’s this new perfume I can learn about and they have it at sax. I’m gonna go over there and smell it.

Erin Stanley: Good for you.

Elise Kindya: Good for me.

Elise Kindya: But yeah little adjustments. Do I need a pillow under me when I’m sitting here. I always invite my clients take your shoes off get weird lay down like do…

Erin Stanley: exactly that

Elise Kindya: what you need to do.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, I have on this huge oversized sweatshirt that I got many years ago that has stains and I don’t care it’s comfortable the video is off No One’s Gonna See this I have on my empty blanket that I wear.

Elise Kindya: Yeah, that’s Friday.

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: pretty much all day when I’m in session and…

Erin Stanley: the beauty of being in private practice establishing things the way that I work. Is that they work well for me? and I can then show up for my clients in the best way without worrying about any of the extra right Establishing a virtual practice, which I launched my practice in Still very much in the throws of the pandemic.

Erin Stanley: and in doing that wanted it to be virtual for that time, but also had a feeling that I would want to remain virtual. My clients more importantly appreciate the convenience and the ease. It’s great to be able to work with clients, in other areas. I have some people in Northern Virginia again in DC because I’m licensed there as well.

Erin Stanley: And in doing that I can also kind of adjust to what it is that my body may need a different points. I start later on in the day and…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: I go into. The evening right so I can and I’m flexible with working with clients who are getting in after work, but that also allows me to get my morning started a little bit later. And if that means okay, I’m sleeping in a little bit longer this morning or I’m waking up and a little bit earlier and when I was able to go through the gym going to the gym have a nice big breakfast. I’m a breakfast person. I eat three solid meals every day. Someone who you…

Elise Kindya: period

Erin Stanley: a smoothie. No, I need a smoothie and I need some eggs, and I need some bacon and anything right like Need my food and…

Elise Kindya: in

Erin Stanley: I can do that right I can wake up. I can make my breakfast.

Erin Stanley: Take some calls respond to emails do some reading whether it’s reading for pleasure, or reading a bit more like a professional development side. I can take my time right? I can kind of adjust to…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: what my body needs kind of based on where I am in my cycle. I’m in my old days.

Elise Kindya: yeah.

Erin Stanley: I may have a little less energy right when I’m in my ovulatory phase. I’m gonna have a little bit more energy and I can kind of move in that right the week of I’m not gonna want to do too much, right? Right I can.

Elise Kindya: Don’t call for me, A heating pad is on.

Erin Stanley: And that’s exactly what I was about to say but plugging today anything. I’m sitting with my back on it and a couple of blankets on and my nice one, right?

Elise Kindya: That’s great. and still able to show up for your clients like yeah.

Erin Stanley: And that’s why I can show up for them in that way because I have adjusted and made these adjustments for me. So I’m not even Centered on what it is that I need because I’ve given myself that right be completely present with them…

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: because I’ve already allowed space for myself. Before even jumping and yeah.

Elise Kindya: That’s so amazing. Yeah, and I think that’s something that a lot of therapists need to hear. I have two clients currently I have two clients that are therapists and they work in Community Mental Health and I’m like it that and they come to therapy and they talk about work. and I…

Erin Stanley: Great.

Elise Kindya: since I’ve started working for myself and I used to do that too when I worked at an agency. I’m going to therapy talking about work. and how hard it was and having to squeeze yourself in and I really don’t fit in here, but I’m going to figure it out I guess. And now working for myself.

00:20:00

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: I’m like, y’all are great like love you guys to my clients I mean we’re doing good work.

Elise Kindya: It doesn’t bother me at night. It doesn’t come with me. It doesn’t keep me up at night kind of thing.

Erin Stanley: right Yeah, yeah.

Elise Kindya: It’s like I love having all the responsibility on me. I don’t know about you, but…

Erin Stanley: I do too.

Elise Kindya: yeah. …

Erin Stanley: Yeah,

Elise Kindya: what was your path to private practice so you said you started in 2021? And the pandemic was definitely still very much then.

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: And so yeah, what was your path to get there? I know you’re from Richmond originally. Is that when you moved back here or?

Erin Stanley: I am

Erin Stanley: No, so I moved back two years prior to that.

Elise Kindya: Okay.

Erin Stanley: I moved back in 2019. So, I’m from Richmond After High School I left and…

Elise Kindya: 

Erin Stanley: went to And I stayed in Atlanta for a total of seven years after college. I taught so it was an elementary school teacher for three years. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: my God, I didn’t know that. what grade? wow.

Erin Stanley: the jacks And so much fun. I loved it. I love.

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: But in doing that kids really enjoyed working with their parents. Just wanted to do more like okay, how can I continue to get to know kids outside of school? Because there’s so much more to learn and…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: so I went to grad school for social work. So it moves to social work school there Chicago was

Elise Kindya: Why Chicago?

Erin Stanley: I liked it. I visited a couple once before when I was in college and really loved it. Thought the city was so pretty and so clean and so big

Elise Kindya: I’ve never been to Chicago. It’s on my list though for sure.

Erin Stanley: I love it, and hopefully I’ll be going again later this year. to visit…

Elise Kindya: 

Erin Stanley: but living there and visiting was really different things and that is exactly right and…

Elise Kindya: it’s very cold in the winter time right

Erin Stanley: that wasn’t a pleasurable experience that all speaking of pleasure, right? and…

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: so immediately after graduation I Left, and I moved to DC. And in DC I was a four years. I was a middle school social worker and then in elementary school social worker. So I worked with kids preschool through eighth grade. And I got burnt out.

Elise Kindya: cool

Erin Stanley: definitely This yes.

Elise Kindya: as the school system will do. They love to just chew you up spit you out. They’re like goodbye. The next round is coming in.

Erin Stanley: yeah, and it was quite unfortunate Did a break I needed a break so I came home.

Elise Kindya: Yeah, I’m sorry.

Erin Stanley: and then Briefly worked for the school system here in Richmond and…

Elise Kindya: Wow.

Erin Stanley: in working at a Group Private Practice. Work there for less than a year, but not slowly quickly realize I think I had always had this idea of wanting to be in private practice, but thinking no I need to be the old wise woman. With gray hair and sitting, in my chair across from somebody in the couch drinking my tea and giving them all of this was right?

Erin Stanley: Realize actually, no, I can do this in my 30s. It’s okay. It’s all right, and I got gray hairs. a lot of Here they’re here for sure in here, too.

Elise Kindya: They’re in there somewhere.

Erin Stanley: But yeah, there was no need for me to continue to put this dream off this idea. So I jumped in and I didn’t quite know where to start. So YouTube was my friends and reading different blogs on people who then there started their own practices. I joined an online community. by Tiffany McLean lean and make Bank to help me kind of Deconstruct my ideas around money and how much I should be charging clients and that was helpful established my Niche Alison for years like workshops and podcasts. I’m super helpful in that.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, it’s been on go ever since then. Thank you.

00:25:00

Elise Kindya: That’s awesome. Yeah, and…

Erin Stanley: Thank you.

Elise Kindya: so this process too of your tools. right feeling like I can meet people anywhere wherever they live really. So now your licensed in three different states slash.

Erin Stanley: Yes.

Elise Kindya: Like two states and DC. What is that process like for having licenses and multiple States?

Erin Stanley: so I was initially licensed in DC just because I had done all my hours up to that point there. I just applied for reciprocity for the state of Virginia.

Elise Kindya: I didn’t realize Virginia did reciprocity like that. cool.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, and then from there I did the same thing for Maryland’s process took about a year just like it was a lot of back and forth or one back and forth with the paperwork, but they just have very long wait time. I don’t know…

Elise Kindya: Wow.

Erin Stanley: if what other states, are in that process but pretty simple as far as just, taking your test. For clinical licensure and then applying for reciprocity for the other two states.

Elise Kindya: Yeah, cool. That’s great. I think that’s unially in this day and age. It’s

Elise Kindya: really needed and when did you get the Maryland license? When did that all start coming through? my gosh.

Erin Stanley: Exactly a week ago. Yeah, yeah. I haven’t even advertised it or put out any marketing for it just yet, but I’ll get there. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: And how will that look like? I know I mean for me the biggest thing has been Psychology today for referrals. I know that wasn’t your favorite referral source. How are you finding and especially now that you’re going to be in different states? How do you do that?

Erin Stanley: My website has been my friend. I’m continuing to update it and…

Erin Stanley: as time goes on I’m more and more comfortable just like inserting more of my own personality in it, right and I think that’s just I’m getting more of my own footing in what private practice is and feeling like it doesn’t have to be as

Erin Stanley: tailored or Buttoned up, I guess the word of like I can I mean my website is always reflected me,…

Elise Kindya: Yeah, right.

Erin Stanley: right I cuss on it I have pictures of me. I have a picture of my dog fine,…

Elise Kindya: no you

Erin Stanley: but just even I added some playlists on my website a couple weeks ago.

Elise Kindya: I noticed that I went to your website recently. I guess we’re preparing for this and I saw at the top playlists and…

Erin Stanley: Yeah, yeah.

Elise Kindya: I was like,…

Elise Kindya: that’s cool. what are the playlists for?

Erin Stanley: Music has always been really important to me always.

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: My father was a DJ he had music around all the…

Elise Kindya: What?

Erin Stanley: I was going to the radio station with him as a kid.

Elise Kindya: My God, cool. But you DJ here in Richmond.

Erin Stanley: he was.

Elise Kindya: My gosh on the radio. What station?

Erin Stanley: On the radio. Yeah. It doesn’t exist anymore. wbgo.: So 106.5 The Beat used to be wbgo. yeah, but yeah,…

Elise Kindya: Wow.

Erin Stanley: this is A solid my dad died 20 years ago. It’s been.

Elise Kindya: I’m sorry.

Erin Stanley: 25 30 years since the station wasn’t existence. But yeah,…

Elise Kindya: Gotcha.

Erin Stanley: we right there with him and he always had vinyls around so music has been a big part of me and I’m constantly listening to music. There’s rarely is their time where music is on and where not around music.

Elise Kindya: mmm

Erin Stanley: So yeah, I was like, why don’t I just put these playlists up I’ve had them.

Elise Kindya: Do you recommend them to your clients? hey, if you’re in this type of a mood listen to this anything like that.

Erin Stanley: No. I haven’t even thought about it. No, it’s there. I guess I kind of viewed it as more for new clients, but why wouldn’t I I should totally do that. Yeah for my current clients.

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: But yeah my website trying to engage more an SEO writing blog posts to get more potential.

00:30:00

Elise Kindya: The words. Yeah.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, it’s work towards on the page and I’m finding that writing has been a lot of fun for me, too. that’s been something I’ve always really enjoyed personally journaling…

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: why not just have some words on a page that other folks can read to.

Elise Kindya: And you’ve been writing for a magazine too in that. Yeah.

Erin Stanley: And I have been and putting those blog posts on there as well. I Get most of my referrals from Friends of current clients. Which really feels like an honor.

Elise Kindya: yeah.

Erin Stanley: Wow, you trust me and can appreciate that the work that we’re doing together enough to recommend me to someone else and then therapy but for black girls has been a wonderful referral source as well. So yeah, that will probably be my first step for advertising for Maryland.

Elise Kindya: Are there so therapy for black girls is in different states like per state. There’s a resource list or…

Erin Stanley: Yeah the directory list for every state you just type in your zip code and…

Elise Kindya: okay.

Erin Stanley: different therapists will populate.

Elise Kindya: That’s really Yeah, and so if there was a new therapist or maybe a therapist, that’s in Community Mental Health or at an agency or something listening to this episode and they’re kind of on the fence. So Should I not do it? What would you say to them? like that What would be like in the first step that you would say?

Erin Stanley: Do it.

Elise Kindya: for them to take besides they already know like they want to but

Erin Stanley: Yeah, I would say think about the clients that you most enjoy working with. Is that a niche that you want to go into? I would encourage them to think alright, we know what The power of an organized clear mind does right for both clients and for ourselves. How do we engage in that practice? For our own lives right in our own business practices, so that may look like steps that may look like lists that may look like to do’s and it’s also important to differentiate to do versus systems So establish…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: what systems work really well for you?

Erin Stanley: While still maintaining the importance of having your C getting different business bank accounts to separate from your personal bank accounts. How are you trying to invest in your professional development?

Elise Kindya: Mm-hmm

Erin Stanley: What do you want pricing to look like not just based on what other clinicians in your area are doing but based on what your needs are and what your wants are what your desires are right after, being a community mental health or working in schools or working in hospitals or working in prisons and we get kind of used to

Erin Stanley: not really being comfortable with identifying what it is that we may want or need what buyers Beyond This work structure that’s been kind of established for us, right?

Elise Kindya: And those are such huge systems to try to fit in. It’s like They do not care…

Erin Stanley: right

Elise Kindya: what you need as a person like good luck with that. Yeah.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, so it’s starting with that mindset of if I’m gonna do this. On my own or even with another group practice gonna be…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: what do I want out of it? Does that mean I want to start my day later on or do I want to start first thing in the morning so I can have my afternoon and my evenings free are there particular days of the week that I don’t want to work so that I can do or see clients right so that I can do other work or their days that I don’t want to work all together. Right, am I comfortable working and creating and building my own website or do I want Outsource that do I want someone else to do my billing. Do I not want to take insurance? Right just ask yourself these questions. And be okay with not knowing the answer.

Erin Stanley: But then check in with someone who may have the experience or Again YouTube podcasts. Blog posts right just see what other folks are doing and how they are navigating and structuring their businesses. Get some ideas. But keep in mind there are really no best practices for certain things. it’s right for you.

00:35:00

Elise Kindya: right That’s one of my favorite things to say to clients is There’s just the right way for you.

Erin Stanley: That’s it.

Elise Kindya: And we get so caught up and what’s the right way to do something and sure don’t break the law. But that’s probably not what’s happening.

Elise Kindya: It’s like just yeah, how does it feel for you to do it in this way versus this way my therapist She charges for her sessions the next day.

Elise Kindya: I show up to session and I haven’t even paid yet. Technically. I mean she has my card on file and she’s going to charge it but for me that feels so off. I don’t really love that when clients are coming in and…

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: I’m like you haven’t paid to be here. that feels so weird to…

Erin Stanley: one Yeah.

Elise Kindya: So. my system is that I send my invoices in the morning say that before you show up.

Erin Stanley: mmm Okay.

Elise Kindya: Thank you. That’s just for whatever reason and…

Erin Stanley: Yeah, yeah.

Elise Kindya: that was something that I sought out from. Back in when I was first starting out. Somebody said that they’re like when you go to McDonald’s you pay first, right and then you get your food. it’s like …

Erin Stanley: yeah. but

Elise Kindya: first of all, this isn’t McDonald’s but it feels the type of way though. It’s not like you can just Walk out with your food kind of thing,…

Erin Stanley: yeah.

Elise Kindya: So, I don’t know.

Erin Stanley: That’s a great. Yeah, and I guess I’m more like alright, so if you’re McDonald’s I’m Applebee’s but as soon as you eat, all right, here comes your check, right? I’ll charge the after the session is over.

Elise Kindya: right Got you.

Erin Stanley: And if I forget then the card, gets run automatically at the end of the night. So Yeah,…

Erin Stanley: it works for it. Yeah. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: Whatever works for people, but it’s really interesting how it Teaches us more about ourselves when we’re doing this. I feel like I’ve learned so much more about myself. since having my own practice…

Erin Stanley: right same

Elise Kindya: then In all of the training and all of the other jobs that I’ve had.

Erin Stanley: same thing

Elise Kindya: What are some things about yourself and like that you’ve learned in this process that you’re like, I like that or that’s an interesting thing that I do or yeah.

Erin Stanley: I’ve learned that I really enjoy. I kind of always knew known this about myself, but I guess it’s become even more present. And I’m a collector and as I’m saying this I’m looking up at my bookshelves which are on either side of my desk. And see all of the books that I have and most of them that have not been red because I’ll see something. at the car or I’ll just pick it up it now it’s in my house. but in doing that I have a breadth of just Interests, right? I want to learn about a lot of different things and so while even currently

Erin Stanley: My focus for work is high Achievers who are also anxious that may not be the population that I worked with in another year, and…

Elise Kindya: Sure.

Erin Stanley: another one of the Beauties and benefits of being in private practice as you can pivot at any point. Right. You can reach…

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: who it is you want to work with how it is that you want to work with? You can pick up a different training and learn a new modality. it’s so rich, right there’s so much that is available. And so yeah, I’ve learned that I am able to put it and I don’t have to stay.

Erin Stanley: That has been both like a professional and personal learning of mine that I’m really proud of you don’t have to stay somewhere. If you don’t want to like something that may fit you at one point in time may not And that’s okay. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: right right It is okay this whole Taylor Swift thing that came out, last year with the eras right and everybody went on Instagram and was like, I’m in my X Y and Z era I’m in my tattoo era. I’m in my pink era.

Erin Stanley: Uh-huh. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: you’re in this type of client era and then …

Erin Stanley: Right, right.

Elise Kindya: I heard something too that somebody was like,…

Erin Stanley: Yeah. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: we’re always helping the client. That’s one step behind us. Or we’re usually walking a similar path as our clients and we’re just like hey, I’m further along this path. let me kind of help you get up here. And I first heard that when I was working with kids.

00:40:00

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: 

Elise Kindya: And I was like,…

Elise Kindya: f*** no. then I need to work with adults because I’m an adult.

Erin Stanley: right

Elise Kindya: that was one thing that motivated me to move on from what I was doing because I was like I don’t want to just be one step ahead of Seven year old that’s wild. but I know that doesn’t always mean developmentally, but because I have clients that are much older than me, My parents much older. I mean that’s a thing to No offense if my clients listening, but she’ll be the first person to say it But yeah,…

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: people that were working with are usually on a similar kind of a path as we are I find.

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: yeah, and in US learning what we’re learning about ourselves, hopefully we’re Somehow like that’s translating into our work. somehow

Erin Stanley: Yes. Yes, I truly believe. That is the case for me and is hopeful face and…

Elise Kindya: yeah.

Erin Stanley: hopefully, continue to be the case. Yeah. Yeah.

Elise Kindya: As far as your go ahead.

Erin Stanley: but

Elise Kindya: I was just gonna ask you about your business name. is there a story behind? Honey bee therapy or does it mean something more to you? Or I was just curious about your business name.

Erin Stanley: Yes, and no, So bees work together to establish And a common goal. I believe that sometimes we tend to suppress different parts of ourselves highlight other parts of ourselves things that we do want people to see versus things. We kind of shut out don’t want others to see we don’t want ourselves to see but in order to become the absolute best version of ourselves,…

Elise Kindya: true

Erin Stanley: we have to use all of those parts of ourselves in order to work together And that’s I think something that these do really well.

Elise Kindya: mmm

Erin Stanley: So the idea of any therapy initially came from that. I think bees are just really cool insects. I think they are pretty. And I love Beyonce.

Elise Kindya: I mean You are just a human being so. As you should love Beyonce.

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: Yeah, I love that. one time got hamic This I was working with a business coach who then moved into shamanic work and I was getting some sessions from her. And she said that my spirit animal was a bee. I was like,…

Erin Stanley: 

Elise Kindya: wow, that’s so wild. They never would have thought of that because I was always so scared of bees. I have memories of picking up a basketball and trying to hit one and then I stepped on it and…

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: let it stung me and I was so dramatic, but then when she told me that I really softened a lot more around bees and of course, they’re so important for our ecosystem and…

Erin Stanley: he

Elise Kindya: like you were saying about they work together the flowers and flowers are We love flowers.

Erin Stanley: Yep. slab Okay.

Elise Kindya: So if there’s no flowers, there’s no Bees and vice versa. Yeah, but I love that. Do you do any kind of ifs internal family systems type of work when you’re talking about parts?

Erin Stanley: Not just yet. It’s something that once again as we are able to Pivot and learn more and

Erin Stanley: Kind of pour ourselves into and allow it supports into us. I’ll get there not just yet.

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: So as you know,…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: I’m working on my certification for sex therapy and that I will be working or figuring out a couples counseling components that has to be a part of that. I think I will begin to look at ifs,…

Elise Kindya: cool.

Erin Stanley: but that’ll take a little bit of time.

Elise Kindya: …

Erin Stanley: So we’ll get

Elise Kindya: the whole that Sex couples therapy would definitely I’m sure keep you booked and busy. my gosh.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, I hope so. I’m

Elise Kindya: I definitely want to talk with you more about that and I know that you were saying maybe come back another time to talk about that after your little deeper into it.

Erin Stanley: yeah.

Elise Kindya: But I mean, I can’t even tell you this week. It’s been like do you have any referrals for couples? I’ve had so many people ask about that. It’s so needed and I’m always in our supervisions being like I** hate men don’t ever give me men but then need love and care and they need to Feel safe to be vulnerable not in my office. I’m just kidding. I’m totally getting but they do need a safe place.

00:45:00

Erin Stanley: Yes, they do.

Elise Kindya: I have this one guy. I went to grad school and I’m always just go to him. he has to people because his name is in every email that I send.

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: But yeah, so that’s cool. And I think that’ll be something. I’m sure with your Niche right now. feels very like I know that gen Z is very interested in therapy and really seeking that out and Millennials of course, too. I mean Hello,…

Erin Stanley: Here we go.

Elise Kindya: here we are.

Elise Kindya: And I’m sure you hear this too. I hear this a lot like Erin my clients that are like I’ve never worked with a younger therapist before I’m interested to know what that’s like,…

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: and somebody like you were saying at the beginning of our interview that gets they’re references or does have all this kind of same cultural kind of yeah the references or as much information

Elise Kindya: I kind of quick with it like We get it we get…

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: Yeah, We’re already there. Let’s keep going. Okay, but yeah, that’s I think our generation and gen Z as well as very much appreciates that we’re here and we can offer that to them.

Erin Stanley: Right, right, and we don’t have to do a lot of explaining or they don’t have to do a lot of explaining. right, and…

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: That definitely goes from my black clients too, right You don’t have to explain anything to me.

Elise Kindya: Right, you’re like I literally love the same thing. Okay.

Erin Stanley: I get it right and same I have a black therapist for that reason. She’s also At it. Yeah, I think my therapist is 40 I think so she’s right like that Gen X Millennial kind of cuz But she understands the thing that I talk about too,…

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: right she gets it. And that works for me. That’s not necessarily going to work for everyone in and that’s the beauty right you choose who you want to work with?

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: but that works for me and I’ve found that when Clients don’t have to spend a lot of time in session. Just explaining. this is what I mean when I say I follow someone or Some tweeted me or I was removed or…

Elise Kindya: he

Erin Stanley: muted or I’m not on their close friends anymore. Whatever I get it right I also get what that means internally s***, you mad like what happened, We can have those conversations without all the explanation.

Elise Kindya: yeah.

Elise Kindya: Right, you don’t have to pull the dictionary out. the thesaurus of What social interaction meant in 1950 versus…

Erin Stanley: No.

Erin Stanley: Okay.

Elise Kindya: what social interaction means in 2020 these are different things.

Erin Stanley: exactly

Elise Kindya: I do love to ask all of my guests on the podcast. As the podcast is called Just what returning home means to you. And you hear that. I think it can mean different things to different people on different days, but would just love to share with the audience what returning home means to you.

Erin Stanley: returning home to me means What I actually hear when I hear the words returning home, which as I mentioned moving back home to Richmond after. 13 years of being away I left at 17. and came back A totally different person right like having a lot.

Elise Kindya: 

Erin Stanley: of lived experience and in doing that I returned to a very different city too right When I left Arthur Ashe Bouleva the boulevard Scott’s addition was not a thing it was.

Elise Kindya: The scary place you go when you want scary things to happen.

Erin Stanley: Nothing. What it was?

Elise Kindya: warehouses, right

Erin Stanley: Warehouse it was Yeah.

Elise Kindya: I had a client refer to it as Scotts recently and I was like Excuse me.

Erin Stanley: I don’t know. I’d wear that means all right.

Elise Kindya: It’s like Scott’s, Yeah, just shorthand for Scott’s Edition. I guess I was like, okay.

Erin Stanley: I still forget to call it’s got the dishes. I mean, yeah. All right, that’s cool.

Erin Stanley: there was nothing over there because nothing but

Elise Kindya: So it wasn’t called and it wasn’t like any type of neighborhood name or anything like that.

Erin Stanley: No. Over there by the diamond,…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: I guess. Yeah, we call it the diamond. I remember when there was a looking back on it very offensive. statue over there, right that kind of like town over the diamond that is no longer there.

00:50:00

Erin Stanley: Where was the Richmond Braves right like that? That was a totally different experience that I had from birth until? High School And so in coming back home,…

Elise Kindya: Sure.

Erin Stanley: I recognize All right, this city has changed and I in ta. I live in Chicago. I lived in DC I’ve seen gentrification in all of these other places but to see it it took a minute for me to reorient myself, So coming home was that right returning to a place that I recognized part, but other parts I said, I have no idea where I am and I had to figure my way Actually using Google Maps constantly to figure out where I was.

Elise Kindya: That makes total sense. Wow.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, yeah, that’s one part. I think another part is coming home to again going back to how does my body feel in different moments? what is it that I need in different moments and…

Elise Kindya: 

Erin Stanley: how can I honor those needs and not feel guilty about it and not feel bad about it.

Erin Stanley: We’ve been. kind of conditioned to feel Guilt and shame about honoring what it is that we might need. as women It’s black folks.

Elise Kindya: yeah.

Erin Stanley: We’re not allowed to or supposed to feel different things.

Erin Stanley: leaning into those things that we may need unapologetically. Really really helpful in this idea of coming home.

Elise Kindya: mmm

Erin Stanley: And asking myself want to spend my time. How it is that I want to spend my energy my money.

Erin Stanley: who it is that I Actually want to spend time with versus. All right, this is an obligation.

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: On these, couple of days off that I have on the weekends. Yeah, I think I’d rather just stay home and watch love is blind and that and make

Elise Kindya: Are you watching Love is Blind Sweden by any chance?

Erin Stanley: I didn’t even know there was a Love’s butt Sweden. I Can Only Imagine

Elise Kindya: unhinged behavior on that show I am living. No, you’re but thank you for and if you have more to that definition I don’t want to cut you off. But I had to jump in on the Love is Blind. We love it.

Erin Stanley: but that’s why I also think of This idea of again kind of goes back to checking in with versus surrendering Going hard is very much capitalistic.

Elise Kindya: 

Erin Stanley: We’re in a hustle culture sleep when you die, very patriarchal, versus Yes,…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: I want my business to thrive and yes, I want to be successful. financially

Erin Stanley: Rest is a Birthright. Thanks and…

Elise Kindya: we absolutely

Erin Stanley: rest is something that we should do more of that. We ought to engage more in. Especially now again, I’m looking up and I’m looking out of the window and it’s great and gloomy and there are no leaves on the trees. and they’re gonna be some days in this winter season that I do want to go a little bit harder and I do want to stay up a little bit later and wake up a little bit early and have my coffee and just go and then they’re gonna be other days where I want to most days around it even to my morning and ease out a little bit earlier so that I can Hop on the couch with my tea and enjoy my TV show, right?

Elise Kindya: yeah.

Erin Stanley: so figuring out

Erin Stanley: not even figuring out but constantly asking myself and assessing what it is in my body needs a different points. and allowing that to support that surrender to happen versus feeling like I have to is why I chose to leave the systems that I was a part of right is why I decided to leave education while I wanted to have my own practice. So I get to because this is what I’m choosing to do every day.

00:55:00

Elise Kindya: right

Erin Stanley: And again having that energy allows me to show up for my clients rested feeling present feeling prepared feeling like okay. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I have a reference for that or I have some data to support you in your understanding so that you’re not feeling alone or isolated in something that you’re describing that you think I know that because I’ve had time to sit and read and watch a video and get a better understanding of something that you may be experienced.

Elise Kindya: Yeah. I was having Goosebumps as you were talking because it’s so much of my life philosophy as well is like to we’re always in the cycle of giving and receiving and so when I give myself So I’m receiving something rest like time on the couch like my cup of tea like a slower morning. we fill our cups to overflowing and whatever’s overflowing is for other people. And so…

Erin Stanley: Yes.

Elise Kindya: then it’s so easy to be full and overflow than of course, you have to give that back out like I think a lot of people get caught up in this like it’s so selfish.

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: It’s so that and it’s like I mean sure if you’re hoarding all that energy in and you don’t let it overflow that’s not what it is. Then that’s still not in the cycle of giving and receiving like it’s not selfish to fill yourself up because

Elise Kindya: You’re a loving professional person like you are You’re gonna just whatever’s overflowing you’re going to give it straight back into either your clients your community your friends your family. You…

Erin Stanley: that’s what

Elise Kindya: there’s no lack of. this energy

Erin Stanley: right That’s it. I love…

Elise Kindya: I love that much.

Erin Stanley: I love how you said that the Overflow because we hear so much, that analogy of not being able to pour from an empty cup, but I heard it phrase in the way of when you are so full it flows over.

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: I have a very clear visualization of that. Yeah other people are gonna feel that other people are gonna get what That’s great.

Elise Kindya: Hello Talk About Sex Therapy.

Erin Stanley: Yeah, it will be called my new practice the overflowing.

Elise Kindya: period Of course.

Erin Stanley: for that ideally

Elise Kindya: all right, so We’ll definitely share all your links in the show notes so that people can tap in and…

Erin Stanley: Yeah.

Elise Kindya: just get to know you a little better follow you on Instagram and all that good stuff. But do you want to share a little bit about where people can find you and how you like working with people how you’d like to be approached if anyone’s listening and they want to reach out to you. how would you like to be contacted?

Erin Stanley: 

Erin Stanley: So the best way to find me is through my website, which is honey. Bee therapy.com. I can also be reached at Erin Stanley lcsw.com.

Elise Kindya: Okay.

Erin Stanley: It just links straight to Honey Bee therapy. And then on the right hand side, there is a button that says book a consultation Click that will direct you to a calendar Lee, excuse me link that we can meet and chat and see if we are a good fit.

Erin Stanley: Other than that, my Instagram is honey. Bee therapy underscore and I was very much against getting an Instagram account this We got one last year and now my goal is actually be active on. I forget about it. Yeah, like I said,…

Elise Kindya: Yeah.

Erin Stanley: I enjoyed tiktok, but I make tiktoks for fun. I’m not, putting on my therapy and I’m big cookies on tiktok.

Elise Kindya: My God,…

Erin Stanley: That’s what I like. Yes next time provision.

Elise Kindya: really? fine

Erin Stanley: I got to remember to make some cookies in advance so I can bring them for y’all.

Elise Kindya: Wow, I will die and go to heaven cookies are my favorite thing.

Erin Stanley: but Are they?

Elise Kindya: My God, that’s so exciting.

Erin Stanley: I’m so glad I know that and your birthday just messed. So now I have to give you some birthday cookies and some supervision cookies. But yeah, anyway, Instagram find me there my website.

Elise Kindya: That’s so sweet. my gosh.

Erin Stanley: That’s the best way.

Elise Kindya: Amazing. thank you so much for contributing this beautiful energy to this podcast episode. I’ve Loved this conversation and there’s definitely more to talk about we’re just for the listeners. We’re cutting the short because we have a meeting four minutes ago. But I feel like there’s more for us to talk about and definitely when you get that Sex Therapy, the working on that certification. We’ll definitely talk more about that. I think that’s very exciting. So, yeah,…

01:00:00

Erin Stanley: Thank you.

Elise Kindya: but thank you.

Erin Stanley: Thank you for having me My first podcast is in the books got hey.

Elise Kindya: Hey, I’m so proud of Good job. Yeah, it was really fun. Thank you so much.

Erin Stanley: All Talk to you and a minute.

Elise Kindya: Yes.

Meeting ended after 01:00:25 👋