Meet Sophia Hornyak in this interview on Returning Home: The Podcast. Sophia is a mother, writer, akashic teacher, and occult historian. Driven by her own traumatic upbringing, she has a personal practice of researching occult and mystic philosophy to find the bridge between the spiritual and the meaning of self. Her work is grounded, raw, and places the importance of resonance in the hands of her students and clients. In this episode, Sophia shares about the powerful work we did together in EMDR sessions, her views on spiritual bypassing, her upcoming Trance training in the UK, and she discusses her terminology “Spiritual Ecosystem.” Healing doesn’t mean erasing yourself or your experiences, it means integrating the past with who you are now and who you have always been, and who you are becoming.
Here are three reasons why you should listen to this episode:
- Hear from Sophia and the exciting progress she made during EMDR treatment.
- To learn what Sophia means by Your Spiritual Ecosystem.
- To discover upcoming events where you can meet Sophia and learn from her.
Resources
- Listen to previous episodes of Returning Home:
- Episode 18 | Blood + Guts + Star Stuff: Making Sense of Being Human
- Sign up for Elise’s Newsletter and receive a FREE PDF to start your self-compassion journey!
- Connect with Elise on Instagram: @elisekindya
- Sophia Hornyak’s Website: www.divinevoidsophia.com
- Connect with Sophia on Instagram: @divinevoidsophia
- Attend Sophia’s next event in Richmond: In person event: https://buffalofirefly.com/pages/classes-events-journey-sophia
- Sophia’s podcast is called Magical Baddies (we love!)
Transcript:
SH:”So I thought about it and I there was a proverb that I ran into and it was if you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together. And it’s an African proverb and it hit me really hard and it just sat in my mind over and over and over again. And I think that if we are going to like it’s microcosmic and macro cosmic, right? So it starts with us and if we are going to change the paradigm in which we want our society to live in, it has to start with us.
Podcast Intro: Welcome to returning home the podcast. My name is Elise Kindya and I am a trauma informed and intuitive therapist. This podcast is a space that I have created for you to discover a deeper understanding and love for yourself, which leads to expanding what you think is possible in your own life. My goal is for you to feel excited to live your life as your full authentic self. By listening to these episodes, you will learn things like how your brain works. My favorite resources for healing stories from my own life practices that you can press play on to add to your healing tool kit and so much more, I invite you to return home to yourself in big and small ways to live the life you desire. On your terms, you can live connected, empowered and aligned. When you return home to yourself. Anything is possible. I can’t wait to share all of my insights with you. Now, let’s begin.
EK: Hey, this is Elise Kindya, your host of Returning Home The Podcast. Welcome back. And today I have a really special episode with a special guest. Her name is Sophia Hornyak and she is a mother writer, akashic teacher and occult historian driven by her own traumatic upbringing. Sophia has a personal practice of researching occult and mystic philosophy to find the bridge between the spiritual and the meaning of self. Her work is grounded raw and places the importance of resonance in the hands of her students and clients. I can’t wait to share this episode with you. We had such a great conversation. So keep listening and I hope you enjoy. Um And I am here with a very special guest. Her name is Sophia Hornyak and she is a lot of things. She reads the akashic records. She is a psychic, a medium and she’s here to talk about a really special experience that we had together as well as some of the work that she does in the world. So I’m really excited to have this conversation with you.
SH: Thanks for having me.
EK: Thank you for being here. And yeah, we were just talking before we started recording about like, uh my kind of anxiety around. You’re, you’re my past client, like confidentiality and all of that. But, you know, it’s, I was really flattered when you, um, filled out the application and made the appointment because or, you know, booked our time here to be here together because, um, I think it really does speak to like the power of the work that we did do. And um yeah, I was just flattered and I was excited to have this conversation with you because I know, you know, before we started our work, you really wanted to step out more as your full self. And now after doing E MD R, I’ve seen you, you know, when we were in sessions together one time, I was like, I’m going to start following you and I did and I saw this like huge kind of like progression and take off. So I was really proud of you for that. So, yeah, do you wanna like, where do you wanna start right now? Like, do you wanna start with the E MD R process or more about what you’re doing currently or?
SH: Yeah, I mean, it’s funny because when you started following me, I like immediately text my best friend. I was like, “I think I won therapy.”
EK: You won?
SH: I went there and I was like, this is I went. Um, no. Yeah, I, when I first stepped into this office, a lot of it was because I had a debilitating panic disorder and I’ve been through a lot of severe abuse growing up and I’ve gone to various talk therapies. I’ve, and being a, um, and a classic teacher, um, you know, I’ve done like, quote shadow work, which I really hate that term because it denotes work for an outcome. And I really don’t feel that healing is that I think that we have this like really western way of looking at healing as eliminating an issue versus finding harmony with it. Um And, you know, I really struggled and E MD R had come up a couple of times with various therapists. It was like, I would get in there and they would be like, have you tried E MD R? And I was like, why is my stuff bad? But a best friend of mine who is um currently getting her phd in psychology, she did it and she’s like, dude changed my life. Um And she obviously knows where all the dead bodies are, right? So she’s like, you should probably do this. So, um it was funny, like I went and got a massage and it was the first time I had a somatic experience where like I, I remembered something when they were working on my fascia that had never happened to me before.
EK: This was after you did EMDR?
SH: No, this is before. And I was walking here to go get coffee and I saw your sign and it was like EMDR Reiki. And I was like, I think this is up my alley. So it was kind of like, you know, I call it your spiritual ecosystem. And I was like, it’s like my ecosystem was speaking to me. So when I came in originally, what I thought I was doing was I was in the process of unveiling memories that I didn’t know I had anymore or I didn’t even realize that I have blocked out a lot of my childhood and through therapy, I learned that, you know, my body did that to kind of save me. So here I was like, maybe I’ll just like reveal some stuff or, you know, get these memories out, but I didn’t really have too much expectation for it because I, I just felt like if I keep getting directed to it, then this is probably what I need to be doing. So, um in the process of it, I was like, I think that first time we did it, I was surprised at how quickly I cried. And I think that people that have been through severe trauma probably struggle to show emotion in front of other people, right? And so I’m like, in the back of my head, I’m like, I pay her to watch this. It’s ok. It’s ok. You’re OK. Get your money’s worth it seriously. But, you know, it was an immediate response and I’m like, how the hell did that happen so quickly? That first session I cried all the way home and, but it was like a good cry. It was like something popped open. Um, excuse me. And I, you know, the thing that really got me was, I mean, we were just talking about this before the podcast, like, in the process, you’re supposed to like have somebody kind of like step in for you and I had myself step in for myself and it was mind blowing to see myself in such a different light because for so long, I’d always known myself to be resilient, strong, tough, all this. But I got to see myself in such a completely different light, soft, nurturing, loving as a mother. And it really blew my mind.
EK: Let’s slow you down for a minute. So for somebody that’s listening that doesn’t know what you’re talking about and stepping in for yourself, what do you mean by that?
SH: So, in the process, I mean, maybe you can talk about this, but in the process you are. So I guess you’re supposed to have like a safety person like it while you’re walking through the memory to sort of, I guess, be your safety and to provide something that you needed in that memory that you didn’t actually get right and so instinctively outside of or, or like, you know, I just thought I would have my grandmother step in or somebody like that. And when I chose myself, I was a little surprised, but I just went with it. Um And so to see that I provided safety and comfort for my inner child. Um And also like to see, to see the people that were abusing me in a completely different light as an adult. So it’s like, it’s weird, I don’t know how to explain it. But when you’re looking back, you’re like, these things happen. I don’t know, you know, whatever. But then you are in this memory and you’re like, what is wrong with you? There was something completely wrong with you. This isn’t, it’s like you’re facing it in a completely different light. I, I really don’t know how to explain it but you kind of the playing field is different, I think, you know, instead of me looking from the bleachers or the nosebleeds going like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they played the game and then let’s get out of here before everybody gets to the parking lot. I’m on the field going like, ok, no, we’re moving left, you’re closer in it. You see it from a different point of view. It’s just an interesting process that I just, I don’t know, it’s hard to explain, but, well, right.
EK: So part of what the way EMDR works and what’s so beautiful about it is that bilateral stimulation when it, when the headphones were on and you are having those tones in either ear, your eyes moving and seeing the dots on either side and uh the buzzer like those the, I think they are touch points in either hand. Um What that does is it keeps the left side of your brain online seeing the memory as well. So when we go through trauma, we flip our lid. As Dan Siegel likes to say, there’s this, he does this hand model of the brain to explain to parents and to Children about what happens when we go through trauma, the left, the left side of our brain, which is the prefrontal cortex, the thinking part of our brain, it takes the most energy from us. So in order to live through trauma, that part can’t be receiving any uh stimulation because all of our energy has to go to our limbs either fight flight, freeze fawn. And when you’re a kid, that part of your brain isn’t even really formed yet anyway. So you cannot think logically about trauma because the logical part of your brain didn’t go through it, right? So E MD R is keeping that part of your brain awake alive and that, you know, in the memory,
that part of your brain is going through that memory for the first time. So that’s an interesting way to put it like you’re in the bleachers versus on the field. And you’re like these players are moving in the wrong direction like that. That’s not where coach put us. Like, what are you doing?
SH: Totally. Yeah. It was like, yeah. And, you know, I didn’t know that. Obviously, I’m like, you know, this is why you go to a professional, but I was just like, how did I not see this? This is like, logically speaking, I should know this but because I, because knowing this now, scientifically, like going back to it, it was just wild to see it. And it also switched my relationship now, like how I interact with the people, the abusers or whatever because I see them in a completely different light.
EK: Interesting how has that changed? I know we just got out of the holidays. So did you see these people throughout the holidays?
SH: So like my father lives in Vietnam, my stepmother I have or ex stepmother don’t have any relationship with my mother lives in Pennsylvania. We like text but we’re not, you know, that relationship is what it is and I’m ok with it, you know, um but in how I view them and how I see myself in relationship to them or in relation to them, I feel like it’s changed the dynamic and it’s changed truly the power structure of it because there’s a lot of weight that I think an abuser or even just a parental can hold over you and it doesn’t matter how old you are, they can hold it. And now that I see it in such a different light. They don’t have any power. There’s no power. So especially if my father who can be very domineering and command everything and whatever like I am like you pitiful, sad man.
EK: So pre EMDR there was still that you held him in that way in your mind of like he was still powerful domineering like you felt subordinate to him in a way in your mind?
SH: It it’s like I would be like, he’s so frustrating to me. He’s so annoying to me, but I don’t want him to be ashamed of me. And there’s definitely he could wield that a little bit like you’re not doing good enough, which is crazy. Um But now I’m like, you’re a liar, you are not who you say you are, you, you know, it’s just you’re not authentic, you know, there’s just things, it just, yeah, it switched the dynamic. There is no power. I’m an adult. I have my own family and I actually take care of my family. So yeah, it completely changed how I am in relationship with them,
EK: internally and that’s we live in our minds, right? Like we, we see the world out of our goggles like you have the Sophia perspective on and, and sure, like I’m sure with what you do and being a mom and being flexible and all of that, like we can, it’s always possible for people to see things from another person’s perspective. But like you live in your mind with your, you have your inner monologue, you have your thoughts, you have the way that, you know, your values, the way you approach life. And so yeah, for you to have space in there to not give your dad that power over you just even in a, like, that’s like a more subtle energetic way, like that’s more and I wonder if that kind of goes into like, the work that you do more. So. But like, yeah, you’ve been able to reclaim that like, inner space and then there’s just so much more room for the true you and your actual passions and the things you actually care about to flourish. Like now you have a beautiful, like, feel that you can sew with all of your Sophia stuff as opposed to crappy dad and crappy, all that stuff.
SH: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, um, in between the sessions, you know, we talked about like, in between the sessions are hard, like, none of this is easy to do, especially when you, you have like intense, like complex ptsd. Um, in between the sessions is really hard because you are reliving the sufferer the first time and you’re processing it, you’re actually processing it. You’re not just sticking it in a closet and going, ok, let’s just keep going. So, everything crumbles, but the crumbling is the foundation that you built. Your, especially as an adult. You know, I’m 38 years old. I’ve built my whole life on this foundation and it crumbled it, which is such a beautiful tower moment. It is good, but it is hard and it allowed me to really get rooted, allow myself to really create the foundation that I want to move forward on. And it gave me a stronger sense of confidence, not like a confidence out of survival, but a confidence out of living. And it allowed me to be extremely present rather than act out of experience. And experience does feed into your confidence. But the experience has changed now because I’m seeing it in a different light. So I think that it’s like easier you get through the hard stuff and then you can move so much faster, you just move things along, you can attain things that you want to, you don’t have somebody in the back of your head saying like this person’s going to leave you or this isn’t going to work out or, you know, because that stuff’s not true and you see it that way and it was just like crazy to me and you know, in what I do. Um You know, I’m, I’m involved in the spiritual community, but I am definitely a, a dog whistle.
EK: What do you mean by that?
SH: Um I definitely move against the grain of what I would call pop spirituality is, you know, like manifesting and all of this stuff, you know, things that are, I feel are money grabs and there’s a lot of spiritual bypassing and this idea that like, move past it, let it go, let go of what doesn’t serve you. Ok. Well, then how do you do that? You know, like, everything’s not so simple and being spiritual doesn’t mean being fully healed. That’s why I really dislike that term healing. Because what are you trying to do? Are you trying to get rid of it or are you trying to like, find harmony within yourself, find some way to process it, find your balance, find your footing. And I think that when I did this before without therapy and I worked through shadow work and I worked through all of this stuff. Yeah, it’s still, there was still progress, but there is definitely, you know, this idea, I see it all the time where people are using pop psychology like terminology and it’s incorrect and it’s damaging people and it’s definitely sending people on the wrong path. And so what we do, what we see are people that are on the spiritual journey, but they’re just adding more work because they’re not being able to attain an expectation of being calm and at peace and balanced and healed. And that’s just not what it is because we are spiritual beings, having a human experience and that’s part of being human. And so um with my work and the clients that I have and the people that follow me, they know I am very much real. I definitely say what’s on my mind and I’m very clear about like, hey, all this stuff is not easy, but that’s ok. You know, when you go to a reader and they’re like, you need to do this. No, you don’t need to do anything. You can do it whenever you want. You know,
EK: there’s no timeline
SH: there’s no timeline, time doesn’t even exist. And the whole case of it is that you have agency and I think that E MD R allowed me to see how much agency I have. So yeah,
EK: that’s a snaps moment because yeah, I mean, and that’s even why you’re in the seat to begin with because there was these people in your life that told you like you’re a piece of shit. You don’t have any agency. We’re going to do XY and Z to you and you can’t do shit or say shit about it. And then we internalize that way and I say we, because why am I even sitting here? Right. Totally. And I say that to my clients all the time. I’m like, I’m not, there’s no planet on which I’m perfect. Holy shit. But um yeah, like having to, I mean, and we talked about this a little bit like unlearning. There are these societal things that get placed on us by our families, by our parents, whoever our communities are, the people that raise us really. And maybe in ever widening circles going out from that. But yeah, like how do we become the individuals that we become? It’s not like we’re just born and we just happen in this vacuum, like we become socialized. But in that there is the chance when we, when our conscious, when we become more conscious, when we, I mean, like to use pop, you know, spiritual terminology when we raise our vibration, right? Um But like when we learn more about who we are by kind of taking that shit off of us, we, we do realize like I do actually have some power and I’m OK with that, I’m OK with being powerful.
SH: Yeah, I think that I think that is a very important aspect of it. But I also think another part of it is being imperfect is perfect and you know, a lot of people kind of grow up trying to succeed and trying to meet an expectation placed on them that doesn’t work. And in relationship, how many times are we let down? Because we placed an expectation on somebody else. So I do think that in the process, even though it took the power away from my dad and my abusers, it also gave me a sense of grace and that grace flipped. So in the relationship, I’m just like, you know what you did, what you thought you could with the best that you could. It is what it is. But it also gave me a sense of grace with myself and how I deal with my partner and my friends. Like, if you didn’t call me back, that’s fine. You got busy. It’s not a big deal. And it’s not like I’m telling myself, don’t get mad, don’t get mad. It’s not, it’s just genuinely there now. And I think that’s what we all should strive to have is that grace on ourselves to not push ourselves so hard and not push everyone else in our relationship so hard because we’re just reflecting it right? And I think that socially, you know, we’re talking about in the western world where we live in a capitalist society where we are burning ourselves out where we are working really hard for things that we cannot attain that, that like grace grows into. I’m going to give myself a little space because I don’t really need to do that right now and it grows into, you know what? Maybe we don’t need that. So let’s just take these days off and that grows so it like folds and you know, I did something that I was kind of blown away that I did like on New Year. Um So I am going to the UK to take my trans mediumship training.
EK: I saw that on Instagram. I want, we definitely need to talk about that. Oh my God.
SH: And I still have this panic disorder. So I am traveling by myself for a week to the UK and I’m staying in this old building in a room with a roommate that I don’t know. So this is really putting myself out there.
EK: when is it?
SH: I leave on the 17th of January. Yeah.
EK: Oh, my God. In 11 days?
SH: 11 days.
EK: So good for you. Another snap moment.
SH: So, I looked at my finances. I booked it. It was so resonant and it was just, like, logically speaking, is out, intellect, is out even intuitively. It didn’t even make sense, but I felt I needed to do it. So we did it. And then I was like, fuck my finances. I have kids, I have daycare, I have a mortgage, I have whatever. So I’m like, what can I do? Nobody’s booking with me, you know, my class of course is coming out and it’s not nobody but it’s just like, and then the holidays and whatever. So I thought about it and there was a proverb that I ran into and it was if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. It’s an African proverb and it hit me really hard and it just sat in my mind over and over and over again. And I think that if we are going to like, it’s microcosmic and macro cosmic, right? So it starts with us and if we are going to change the paradigm in which we want our society to live in, it has to start with us, right? So in order for me to do that, I have to not only give help, which I’m comfortable doing most of us are I have to learn how to receive help. So I put out a call to my community and I wrote an email and it took me 2.5 hours –
EK: Was that like a long time?
SH: Yeah, because I was like and deleting and typing but I was cringing.
EK: I know you’re quick.
SH: So maybe, yeah, but I was cringing but cringe is good because cringe means I care. So I was like, I need to get this up. This is important. I got to lean into the cringe.
EK: Cringe equals caring
SH: cringe equals caring. So I was like, I’m going to put out a call in my community and just be up front. This is what I want to do. I want to invest in myself because if I invest in myself, I can turn around and teach this stuff and invest in my community. So I’m asking my community, share my stories, show up for me if you can, if there’s somebody and people showed up and it was awesome and it was so cool and you know how things happened? People started. They were like, hey, do you give readings? Which normally I don’t do one on ones, but I was like, you know what I will because I need to raise the money and people started booking classes, people just Venmo me tips. They were just like, you know, because I, it was like, can I cuss on here?
EK: Of course, who the fuck are you talking?
SH: So in my email, I was like, you know what? “Fuck it we ball” and the amount of Venmo that I got that wrote “fuck it we ball” and there’s 20 bucks here. They were sweet, you know, and it just like it was, you know, I, I’ve done gofundmes for other people but it was just like, I didn’t do a gofundme but it was just nice that people were like, “hey, do you have anything coming up?” “Hey, do you have this?” “Do you have that?” And it made me, you know, the, I had somebody, I had somebody send me a lot of money and they were like, “I believe in you and I believe in this work” and I cried fully wet in a towel that
EK: You had just taken a shower?
SH: And I looked and I was like, oh my God. And we were a
EK: perfect place for it.
SH: Yeah, like rebirth, right? But um it’s just like allowing me to soften because I saw myself in such a soft way and it’s allowing me to like open up in a way that I don’t think I’ve ever opened up before. And it’s really allowing me to truly experience presently the world and see that I do have agency to change it from where I stand and I think that E MD R had a heavy hand in that.
EK: That’s so cool. Yeah, I mean, it’s like, that’s the understatement of the world. But it’s like, yeah, you, you’ve always been a whole human being but you weren’t allowed to feel all of that. You weren’t allowed to be a kid when you were a kid, right? You weren’t allowed to cry when you were sad. You weren’t allowed to complain when something was wrong. You weren’t fed when you were hungry. Like I mean, there’s a lot of things that um you didn’t get to experience your full humanity. And so now having been able to see yourself from that perspective, it’s like, oh no, like sure I am a bad ass and I am fierce and I am hard working and I am resilient, but I also deserve just as much as you would look and see any member of your community that you would want to help. They are looking out at their community and you’re one of those people and you deserve that help too.
SH: Yeah. And I think that there’s a lot of this conversation around deserving in the spiritual community like you deserve. You have to believe especially around manifestation, which I really think is rooted in capitalism because we want to, we want to manifest a thing or a money or a partner. And I’m not saying those are bad things like we’re here to enjoy our lives. But now we’re telling people, you have to believe that you deserve it. But where, because spiritually speaking, your intellect is removed. When we are working with the akashic field, we are working with spirit. When we’re working, we’re working with the heart, we’re working with the soul and the intellect can only like can only process a story that has been told. So if you have been told this story, your whole life that you don’t deserve this stuff, then you know, positive mental attitude is not going to change that because that’s not the story that intellect knows. So you have to find a way to have your intellect take a sea and let the heart ride. And I really think that E MD R helped me get into that place where I just needed help doing that is,
EK: did it feel like you were before EMDR? And with the other tools that you were using it was like, you tried to think your way out of the problem and there was just no thinking?
SH: Well, I think where I was in my practice, I knew I was out of thinking, but I was also kind of like, well, how do I get deeper? Because I know that my survival instincts are kicking in. So I know that the primal part of my brain is going like, “but you’ll die,” like, “you can’t enjoy a friendship like that you’ll die,” you know. So that’s what my body was doing. And so in order for me to move forward, I had to look outside of spirituality and I had to look and I don’t think that psychology is not spirituality. I think it’s fairly seeped in it, but it’s just a different way of looking at things. And so I really needed that help to do it. And that’s the other kind of gripe I have with spirituality is that it’s like it should only be this way. But we have so many tools at our feet and the world is at its height of like, what is you’re being berated with? So like, why wouldn’t I use, you know, the akashic field? Why wouldn’t I use my psychiatrist? Why wouldn’t I use my SSRIs? Why wouldn’t I use acupuncture? You know what I mean? We have, it’s just got to be right for you. And that’s where resonance really kicks in. Does this feel right? Does it feel comfortable? And so I blend the two because this is my ontology, this is my reality, you know, that I live in a western world and I do believe in some Eastern concepts. So why wouldn’t I use both?
EK: I’ve heard you say the spiritual ecosystem, I’ve heard you talk about, you know, like the akashic field and your work with that. Let’s switch gears a little bit and let’s talk about what you have coming up, and this trance training and like all these different things like, tell us more about the will. Yeah. Well, just like what turns you on and excites you and what you’re doing in your life now because when we met you were working in beer.
SH: Yes. So I was still, well, you were doing all the things I have. Divine void. I’ve had divine void since 2000 eight.
EK: That’s your business name- Divine Void?
SH: Divine Void. so I had worked in beer for close to a decade and working in sales marketing branding. And so I found myself going in and out because-
EK: and if you don’t follow Sophia go do it because her shit is so pretty. Your Instagram, like the images that you make are just so I just love everything about it. Like I love the colors. I love the fonts. I love how it’s so like, like there’s just something really beautiful about your, your, your art. It’s just
SH: Yeah. Um Yeah, Libra. So um so I always had that in, in, you know, in my back pocket. And so when things weren’t really going well and you know, the process of me working in spirituality has had its up and downs because I kind of look at things like I think socially speaking, we look at things as a formulation and there’s like, um there’s definitely people that are big manifest, you know, people on the internet, they’re like, look to somebody as an expander. But when you look to somebody that’s doing what you want to do, you’re taking their formula and you’re saying you did this, you did this and that equals success. So what it does is continuously puts you in a box. And so I started out doing that, right? I was like, oh, maybe people want to do tarot, maybe people want to do this. And pink, pink is more accessible. You know, if the girls love pink millennial, pink because I’m an elder millennial.
EK: I mean, you and I have a very similar aesthetic that’s for sure.
SH: So, um but then I was like, this isn’t me. And so I slowly was developing in who I was. But in that process, you know, people didn’t get it, they didn’t understand what I was putting out, they didn’t get what I was doing. And, you know, my aesthetic moved darker which, you know, I, I love it, I love Southern Gothic. I love that kind of stuff. So and I was so seeped in like, I love the chaos. I love the shadow. I love the darkness because I’m not afraid of it. So let’s go in there. Um But when you’re, when you’re trying to do something that’s never been done before, you’re going to take a lot of L’s and there’s definitely times where I just wasn’t making money. So like I would be like, OK, I’m going to go get a job doing this or I’m going to uh work in branding or you know, whatever. And so when I came in here, I was contracting with a brewery in Richmond and I was doing their, their branding. Um But I could feel the anti residence and anti residence is in your body like that. I feel sick. I feel angry anytime I have to go to work or any time I get an email and what that indicated to me because I’ve done this for so long was like, I don’t need to be here. This is not in my path no matter how much money they’re spending, no matter how much money is in my bank account, like I just can’t do it. And so when the universe took that out of my path, stuff started rolling and I really feel that um I finally have carved out my place in the spiritual community as an outsider, but with so as somebody that people identify with. So um what I do is people might I know the akashic records I have practiced for a really long time. I’ve worked under Dr Linda Howe and I’ve taken my teacher training with Helen Vonderheide, but I do not call myself an akashic records practitioner or teacher because to me that is trying to put a context around something that is unbound and ever evolving. So when people are like, it’s a library with all information that you can get. Well, that’s very intellectual based. So what you’re describing is psychic and that’s psychic work but the Akasha is the akashic field is the ether. All it is the Akasha. That’s what it’s called in Hinduism. And when you look at the, the levels of bodies that a person has, you know, you go from the, the mental body, the emotional, the physical, um the spiritual, the ether, the akashic field. So I work with the akashic field, which is completely different than records. We go into this library and we grab all the information that you could ever need. This is more than information. This is a lens, it’s a lens to look at how we live and how everything at our fingertips is spiritual. So when I talk about the spiritual ecosystem, you know, people talk about like seeing signs and synchronicities and all of that. Well, when you are working with your spiritual self, I think a lot of people look to it as an escapism, right? So they’re like, oh, I want to meditate or I get a lot from clients like I feel disconnected, I don’t feel my spirits. I don’t feel my guides, whatever. And so they like they do ayahuasca, they go to sound baths, they do whatever and these things are not bad.
EK: She says, as she looks at my over at my singing bowls.
SH: I mean, I have a whole set too, but these things aren’t bad, but some people use it to escape their life and that’s not even that bad. It’s the same reason why people drink you know, it’s kind of, that’s fine. But what I’m trying to show and teach and what other practitioners that I uh I’m very close with show is that like this is a part of your life period. So, right, so this is macro micro, this is in and out, you know, that is the occult axiom, you know, and
EK: as above, so below
SH: as within. So without, so everything when you start working, say it with a guide or with your higher self. But I don’t believe in that. I think we are our highest selves. And then, you know, you look at the field that you are in and there’s, there’s been like um there’s, you know, Stanford did a bunch of research around the energy fields and the energy fields that we have. So when we come into contact with people, we exchange energy and it changes, right? So that happens with the stuff around you that happens with anything that has spirit that happens with the birds that happens when you know, if a piece of paper is in front of you, if you believe that everything is spiritual and everything has some kind of energy to it and which I do because the universe is all energetic –
EK: and human hands made all the stuff that’s around us.
SH: Anyway, they’re putting their energy, correct anything that comes into your system is spiritual, but it’s not necessarily that it’s just you just as you walk into somebody’s system, just as you walk past the dog, they are also affected by you. So it’s an ecosystem, it’s a balance. And so what I try to teach people is that you don’t have to be in transient meditation to achieve anything or to, you know, get information or whatever this is all here. It’s all here in front of you. And if you integrate it into your everyday and you see it as a lens that is here in your everyday, it becomes extremely powerful. So it’s funny because amongst other akashic teachers and practitioners, I’m kind of a weird because I don’t really go to the records. I don’t go anywhere. I’m just like, no, this is what it is like, I already know I step into your ecosystem and this is what I’m getting. But right, like, and, and, you know, you and
EK: You and I are similar in that way where, you know, I’m a clinical social worker. Like, I don’t, I don’t know any other therapist that’s interviewing one of their past clients in their podcast. It’s not really like the way things are done, you know, but I’m like, who gives a shit? The way things are done is garbage if we look at the world. So let’s just, let’s just see the unicorns that we are. So, so if the spiritual is just like in the mundane, like it’s in the every day, what’s something that you would tell somebody who’s listening? If they’re, if they don’t get it or if they’re skeptical, like, what would be something that you would tell them, like, one small practice they could do today to, like, yeah, get into that a little bit.
SH: So, one of the things I like to tell my clients is like, when they’re, like, I’m having trouble bridging to a thing that they want or bridging to, like, say, like, oh, I really want to get a new job, but I’m too scared to go do that or I want whatever start and it sounds so mundane and boring. But if your friends are like, oh, let’s go somewhere and you’re the kind of person that’s happy to go along, you make the choice, it starts small and as you do it, the choice about the restaurant to go where you use your voice, you do it claim the thing you want, right? If your partner is like, I don’t know, what do you want to watch? And you’re normally like, I don’t know, what do you want to watch? You choose?
EK: So my poor husband has to watch Project Runway. Christian Siriano could literally dress me in anything. And Karly Kloss needs to relax because nobody feels bad for your 6’3” ass. Ok? But anyways, I feel that yeah.
SH: So I love because the voice is a really powerful spiritual tool, having agency or just choosing because you make the choice, right? That’s ultimately what this is all about. So when I, when I did do more frequent readings, a lot of clients would come to me and they would say, well, I don’t want to make the wrong choice. So you can’t make the wrong choice. You can’t, because anything that happens, happens to your benefit. So even if it’s awful, you’re coming away with it with something in your toolbox. So, for example, if somebody has a terrible relationship and they’re like, you know, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to trust whatever. Well, now, you know what you don’t want, did you know that beforehand? You know, so I just am constantly looking for the silver lining and I think that that has allowed me to show that to other people. And so that small practice is huge because it builds slowly into something bigger. Now, you believe that you can do it. Now you believe you can get another job. Now you are going to make that choice and you’re going to work on your resume and that sounds so not spiritual to the most spiritual people, but like this is spiritual, that’s what it is. And it’s kind of amazing considering like I work in one of the most esoteric levels of spirituality in the aggression field. And I am an occult researcher, but the way I talk about life is grounded because it doesn’t, none of it matters if it’s not grounded, none of it matters if we can’t live a spiritual life and that is just being who we are. Yeah.
EK: Like you said earlier, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Like we have to be in these bodies and they do put us through these, you know, sometimes really traumatic experiences. You know, you said something a minute ago that I wonder and it’s something like, and you had talked earlier about spiritual bypassing. But then there’s also, and I have to walk a really fine line in my work around. Like, did you attract that experience to learn a lesson from it? Like, what’s the lesson, you know? And um are we all responsible for the trauma that we have in our lives because we wanted to learn that lesson and it’s like a fine line there. And I wonder how you deal with that in your work because yeah, like I can find and I have a wide range of clients, some of my clients are really into spiritual stuff and want to talk about life lessons and did my soul attract this? And then I have other clients that are very like, what is the scientific research behind what we’re doing right now? You know, where are all the evidence based and the peer reviewed journal entries and all of that stuff? So and so I kind of like have to, I feel almost like I’m juggling, I’m the magician, you know, I’m constantly like, this is what this work means to me and to us in this room right now. But yeah, like, how do you, um, do you, when you’re working with people, how do you manage that? Kind of like, yeah, I don’t want to call it victim blaming because that’s not what it is. I mean, I think that we are, I, I’m kind of on the same mindset as you where it’s like, yeah, we, if it’s not this, it’s that we’re having human experiences, everyone’s going to die. No one’s getting out of this shit alive.
SH: Nothing is cruelty free, right?
EK: Nothing is cruelty free.
SH: So, um so what I would like to say about people that are like, because there is a part of the spiritual community that is heavily like science and great, that’s awesome. But here’s what I want to offer is that before there was science, there was alchemy and there’s experimentation before you can get any kind of result. And in order for you to experiment and to find a result that will be sufficient enough to fulfill whatever it is that you’re looking for some validation, there has to be faith. So ultimately, at the bottom of science is faith hypothesis and whatever you want to call it, that’s what it is. I think this might, this might happen. Let’s see. I hope that this happens, right? Where there isn’t belief, we have to use faith to bridge the gap.
EK: And that’s a really good point. I think that that is really important to remember now because that Neil Degrasse Tyson.
SH: But here’s the other part of it is that because we are human beings in the western world, we do love science, right? So, if science is going to help you believe in something great, I’m not going to fight it. I think that’s awesome. It helps me believe in some things too.
EK: Um, we vaxxed in here, right?
SH: But like we can’t know everything that has ever been that ever will be. And that would be really egotistical if we really thought that we could, right? And so when it comes to things like spirituality, when it comes to things like, like ultimately, we can create whatever it is that we want. So even though, you know, you have these accolades and you are a professional therapist, you have the agency to create whatever modality that you want with whatever tools that you want. And that is part of our divine essence. It doesn’t have to be shown. We don’t need the, the formulation and I had this conversation with one of my mentees last night. We were doing our one on one check in and she’s like, “you know, with what I do, I don’t see anything out there.” And I’m just wondering, and I was like, “well, hey, you’re attracted to me, right? We’re working together and I built something out of nothing.” But I think that that’s what the world wants because we are becoming so homogeneous and there is just nothing beautiful, there’s nothing, you know, when you see something, right? And we thrive on this idea of being unique, but we’ve become like straight out of the box, right? Um So that’s that. But when it comes to clients that are like, “did I attract this?” Did I do whatever the Akashic perspective is, we choose how we choose our family, we choose how we want to show up in the world. We choose our path. So we chose this now how you want to process it as a human is up to you. So you know, I believe that when people, when you have an Akashic perspective, you can believe and see the perspective, but you can still have your human perspective. So the akashic perspective would be um your abusers did the best that they can, but they were, they were just emulating something that they had gone through and it allows you to give empathy and grace where it needs to be done. But my human perspective can be like, “fuck that person. They were horrible who would do that to a child.” And you can hold two beliefs at once. I don’t think that you have to hold fully one. So that is how I work with clients. I can say the Akashic perspective is, you know, this is, this is why it happened. You chose this. This is for your highest good even though it doesn’t feel good. Um this will make you resilient or this will make you, it will be a base of understanding how to like, for example, why was I in beer sales? I, why did I do that for so long? Well, now sales and marketing, that’s how I created my brand, right?
EK: So that was just the venue for you to learn how to do that, right? So it could have been any other venue, but that’s just what it was.
SH: And I had a meltdown when my business wasn’t doing really well. And my husband was like in the past year, you taught yourself how to code, create your own website, graphic design. You taught yourself how to do a podcast, you taught yourself how to edit video like I would say that you had a pretty good year. So we we forget the good stuff, right?
EK: And even though it didn’t look exactly how you wanted it to look and then we were like, oh shit, we are the same person. I mean, everything you’re saying, it’s like, yeah, I can relate to that because I got this office in April and I’m like, oh I’ve had, this is my slowest year in business ever. Da da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, whatever, bitch, you have a whole ass room with all my sand tray stuff with a singing bowl with the Reiki table with this beautiful, with this whole setup like literally like this is the first place I ever lived in Richmond was on Mulberry Street. 221 South Mulberry Street. This was like my little stomping ground over here. This was my shit, you know. And yeah. So, but it’s been such a whatever year and then I’m like, oh, right.
SH: But when we think about prosperity and abundance, we think about material things, but that’s not what it is. You can be abundant in the fact that you are feeding your soul something that nobody else can give you. And I think that that’s what it’s about, right? And once you have that and once you lose that, that’s when the stuff starts attracting, that’s truly what manifesting is. But you know, I think that, that, that the Akashic perspective when you, and let me take a step back. I think that holding that perspective, learning that perspective, ultimately, what I’m doing is just looking at people and saying you have these gifts, you have these abilities, you have whatever creation, whatever way that you want to express yourself, it’s there. I’m just offering you a way to understand that there’s no wrong way. And I think sometimes when we take off the bumpers, we just want to know that we can bowl, right?
EK: Yeah, that’s such a cool way to say it. Thank you. Wow. Wow. I feel like I learned so much and yet I’m like there’s still so many questions like I mean, so I had said earlier when, when I, you know, I was kind of introducing you and there, there’ll be a different introduction after I’ll read the one that you actually wrote. Um about being like psychic medium are those words that you don’t really?
SH: Uh Yeah, so I, I describe myself as a channel channel. Um because I do channel, which I think to like annoy me is like, what’s the difference? But a channel is, there’s, there’s various ways of working with spirit. Um You can either do automatic writing, it can be expressed through art or it can be direct voice where you are allowing them to take over your voice. It can be mental mediumship, which is they’re speaking in your mind and you’re just verbatim saying it. So that’s what I do. I’m a channeler and I’ve seen. So this is the trance work that you’re going to be doing too. So I started working with trance on my own, which can be a little dangerous. But I had this crazy wild experience three years ago where these beings, I was in the hypnagogic state, which is, it is said to be when you get the most messages right in between sleep and awake. That’s when all the weird stuff happens, right? And um my dreams are always off the wall. So somebody told me to turn off my dream portal and I was like, I don’t want to do that because that’s how I speak to spirit. That’s how I get everything you say, someone told you to turn it off another reader, like somebody that I trust. So it’s like a therapist, goes to a therapist. I go to another reader but I did it. And when I did it, I was in the hypnagogic state. So I was aware that I was laying down sleeping by my husband. But I could see this almost like prism crystal building like in the sky and it felt like home. And that’s the only feeling that I had. And then there was like something I could feel it pushing down in the top of my head and I was trying to speak out of my mouth and every time it did, my lips would get really tight and like a language would come out that I didn’t know. And I’ve dreamed in other languages and I always know what language it is. Um Yeah, I’ve dreamt in Hebrew, I’ve dreamt in Chinese. I’ve dreamt in French. I’ve dreamt in German. I’ve dreamt in Dutch.
EK: Whoa, I don’t, what do you, how do you explain that? Like, what do you?
SH: But I don’t know, it’s just what it is and it’s you or it’s in the dream, I’m either speaking it or someone else is speaking to me and I understand what they’re saying and then I’ll wake up and I’ll google it and it’s what it is. So, so, yeah, so this happened and I was like, I don’t know this language this isn’t, there’s nothing happening. And so when it finally came out, I looked at a page even though like I’m, I’m having like two experiences at once. I’m sleeping. I know I’m in bed, but I’m also seeing things and I’m hearing things and I’m experiencing things and it says like “I am the messenger of the 3 to 5 to 9.” And then it says it out of my mouth. And when it says it, I do this thing that terrifies my husband where when I’m sleeping, I’ll go “wake me up, wake me up” and he was like, and you say wake me up, I say it to him. He um he’s, he’s like had a girlfriend that had like um where she screams in her sleep and he was like, what you do is much, much more terrifying. Whoa So I was like, wake me up and he woke me up and I was like, oh my God, I was like freaking out. I was like, that was crazy. And then I was like, wait a second, I didn’t give them permission to take over my channel. I don’t like this, whatever. And I could feel my hand getting really warm and that’s usually a telling sign that I need to write that somebody wants to write to me. So I wrote it and it was like “you asked for this.” So for three years, I looked up the Camacho which is an Old Hebrew way of looking at the meaning of a number to give it a spiritual context-
EK: Not numerology?
SH: not numerology. It’s kind of, but not really. I’ve looked up, I looked up everything. Nothing. I couldn’t find anything. It’s the three, the five, the nine, everything is 369, but I couldn’t find it.
EK: So, getting low that came on my workout playlist the other day and I was like
SH: switch to glutes.
EK: Booty on the floor, right?
EH: So, so 359359 have no idea, whatever. Um I started feeling the call of trance work. So I started doing it. I started researching ritual transpositions and like the beats per minute and whatever that induces that and I could in a mental to mental, I could hear them or sense them saying like “open your mouth, open your mouth” and I started to speak and what came out was I am the messenger of the three of the five the nine and I was like, whoa, that was crazy. So I did it a couple of times with friends. Um What I can anchor with a group of people right now is about 15 minutes. But the more people in training that I have, I should be able to hit an hour to two. So I was like, I need to do this, I need to get trained correctly and the modality is seeped heavily in England. There’s not really a whole lot of trance in the us, this is evidential mediumship, trance, mediumship, trans healing is all a very British thing.
EK: So, is there something in Charlottesville? Like a trance, maybe at U VA, maybe not.
SH: maybe it’s like a psychic. They have like a, it might be spiritualist. There’s one in Richmond, but that’s a little different.
EK: Um But yeah, so, but you’re going on an exciting adventure.
SH: So I’m going on this exciting adventure
EK: in 12 days
SH: in 12 days. Oh, yeah, sorry. It just hit me. I was like, oh, and I’m going to learn how to anchor these beings. And um when I come back, the plan is like, I already have a trip booked to Philly. I’m working on L A but to um hold sets in, in, you know, transmit this work.
EK: It’s kind of like Esther Hicks and Abraham?
SH: kind of like that, that, that, that’s so they’re able to do it 2-3 hours, you know, rocking with it, right? And when I worked with, I have a, a trance mentor. Um she was like, where you’re at, what you’re doing. She was like, I do not recommend but she was like with, you know, 5 to 7 people being able to anchor for about 15 minutes, you’re right on par. Like that’s what you can be doing. She’s like, it’s just telling me that you’re not fully developed. So,
EK: and that’s to be expected at the beginning of any journey.
SH: Yeah, totally. So, even though you’ve been in this work for many years and doing adjacent things and all of that. But this is very different. This is, this is a whole new world. So, you know, I’m getting like Ariel and I’m going to get my legs and I’m going to walk through London Town and figure this all out. It’s so cool. Yeah, I’m really excited. I’m really nervous. I’m really scared. But that’s when, you know, you’re on the right path you shouldn’t do.
EK: I mean, if something doesn’t scare you, it’s probably not a big enough dream.
SH: Yeah. So I really feel like this is legacy work. This is what I want to be doing. This is what I asked to be doing from Akashic perspective. Um But yeah, I’m really stoked on it.
EK: Good for you.
SH: Thank you.
EK: So, what are the places in Philly? Like, what’s the place Philly that you’re going to be holding that stuff?
SH: So I will be at Ritual shop in center city. It’s owned by Angela Monaco. She’s phenomenal. She’s um I’ve known her actually, I tried to get my wedding ring from her, but my husband had a heirloom, but I’ve known her for years and we’ve just kind of always been in the same circles or adjacent and we’ve always vibed. So she has a space and I’m going to facilitate for about 12 people. So the sign ups will be going up soon. That will be February 18th and then I’m still working out the details on L A but I think I’m going to do like three days out in L A of work probably in like April.
EK: Do you know what spaces in L A you want to be in?
SH: So I know I’m going to do something at the Gorky and I’m still working on the other places.
EK: There’s a place called the Mindry in Malibu that might be interested and they have a pretty nice big room that might be a cool place to do it. I’ll reach out, I can connect you with. I know the woman who’s the manager there, Christy if you’re listening.
SH: Um Cool. Yeah, that’s exciting.
EK: What about Richmond?
SH: Richmond on the 14th. So about once a month, I lead journeys at Buffalo Firefly Wellness and I have one coming up January 14th –
EK: right before you go?
SH: right before. Um So that’s like about once a month. I do have courses that I do online. Um So I have exploring the Akasha, which is basically, um if you have an Akashic practice, it’s great for that because what we’re doing is pushing boundaries, pushing imagination, pushing sensory, um kind of blurring the lines of the different dimensions that we work in. But if you have never done the work and you’ve just been interested, it’s kind of, I think of it as like I’m hiring someone with no experience, but like, maybe that’s better because they, they have a really open mind, right. So I think it’s, if you’re attracted to it, it’s a great course. It’s a six week course. Um, I am going to start putting out on youtube actually, this Sunday, uh, a journey through the archetypes, which is of the major Oana, which is a akashic kabal stick, look of the major AANA. So every week we’re gonna work through the keys. Obviously, we start with the full and I think it’s a great way to kick off the New Year.
EK: Um, well, it’s interesting as you said, the three, the five, the nine. I wondered if they were. I looked at it. Yeah, it’s like the empress. It’s number three. I can’t remember. The nine is the hermit hermit. Yeah. Um, five is, no, it’s saying I know the Hebraic wordings to them, but I can’t remember. Well, good thing. You have a whole, I’m just so curious. I’m sorry. Excuse me on the podcast. However, I’m just doing this right now, but I just, when you said it, I was like, I wonder if they all three is the Empress. Five is the Hierophant and nine is the hermit hermit.
SH: The Hierophant is my favorite.
EK: She’s a Taurus, isn’t she?
SH: My sister sign. Yeah. Yeah, that’s really exciting. Cool.
EK: Well, good. So, um, I will definitely link all of your social media website, these courses all in the show notes. So, you know, making sure that if people that are listening, they want to follow you, take any of your courses? Is there anything else that you’d want people to know about you or anything you’d want to direct them to?
SH: um, not off the top of my head? Um I think that, I think that if you have had had E MD R on your mind, I think, I think it’s been life changing for me and I couldn’t recommend it more. Um, even with a heavy spiritual practice that I have game changer for sure. And I would highly recommend that you have resources outside of yourself to support you during the process.
EK: What were some things that you had outside of yourself that you felt like it was instrumental to have during this work?
SH: so I think like, considering the kind of trauma that I went through, I kind of struggle being in friendships, I always feel like I’m putting somebody out, you know, I don’t want to bother them and I leaned heavily on my friends and it was really nice to feel safe and supported and loved and I think that that was part of the process for sure.
EK: And especially with like, depending on the trauma that you’re working through. But yeah, when there’s relational trauma that you’re working through and it’s like the, the, the first and worst memories of those and it’s like, let me go back to the place where I felt worthless and, and like a burden and then, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um Right. So So, whatever that thing is that you’re working on in E MD R, make sure you have like the equal and opposite thing in your life. That proves that that thing isn’t true because that’s a big part of E MD R is like, whatever that negative belief you have with that memory, we’re trying to help install the equal and opposite, positive belief. If your belief is that I’m worthless, I’m not enough. I am worth a lot. I am more than enough. Right. So, um that’s cool that you were able to lean on your friends. And so yeah, that and that was something that you feel like helped bring you through the process successfully. Yeah.
SH: Yeah. And I think it, it like, I think it was its own exposure therapy on its own, you know, because you have to, you’re just like, I don’t know what to do with all these feelings. I don’t know what to do with this. Am I crazy? And so having somebody there to be like, you’re not crazy. You are awesome. I’ve seen you do this, you know, whatever is like, I mean, who doesn’t want to be loved on? It’s just different when you’re learning that you deserve to be loved on one of the things.
EK: Um, and I forget which of the trainers that I’ve like all the different trauma trainings I’ve done and what not. But one of the kind of like sound bites from that was you know, I don’t wanna say it’s Bessel Van Der Kolk but I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t him. Oh No, it was um Dick Schwartz from ifs internal family systems. He says trauma happens in a relationship. So healing from trauma has to happen in a relationship. Like you can’t just heal from trauma in a bubble on your own. You have to be in relationship with other people if that’s where the trauma happens. So that’s what I mean, when we look at outcomes for therapy, the most important factor for success is and I know we talked about having an outcome and success and all of that, but I mean, nobody’s going to therapy to just shoot the shit, you know, with this person, you are here for some type of an outcome. Um But the relationship between the client and the therapist is always the number one indicator of whether this is going to be a successful, you know, intervention. And so, yeah, I feel really lucky to have been able to hold this space for you and offer you too. Like I’m just happy that it like resonated so much for you and that you’ve had, I mean, I’m like blown away by all the things you’re doing now. I just think it’s so cool.
SH:I’m excited and yeah, I, I, like I said, I’m really glad that whatever brought me here, brought me here because it changed my life. Um And it just kind of like again, it just brings me back, right? Like if you want to go fast, you go alone. If you want to go far, you go together. And I think without you, I wouldn’t have been able to be able to bridge this. So everything is relational and I’m super grateful for it.
EK: Thank you so much. Thank you for being here on the podcast.
SH: Thanks for having me. It was a great conversation.
EK: This was so fun.
End of episode: Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode to learn more about Sophia and her work. Please see the show notes. There will be links there for her social media and her uh her courses and um some upcoming events that she has. So please go ahead and make sure you check out those and stay tuned for our next episode. I have so many exciting uh interviews coming up with different Richmond practitioners. So please make sure you stay tuned and I’ll see you next time. Thanks. Bye.
